Ticka-tacka ticka-tacka ticka-tacka ding! Ticka-tacka ticka-tacka ticka-tacka ding!
Staring blankly at his typewriter, Wedge punched random keys in succession.
Ticka-tacka-tick-tick-tickatacka! Ding! Ding ding!
A musical began to form in his mind, with tunes so catchy he knew that if they were released on stage, he would get such praise and recognition as to be made Grand Emperor of the Web, and even Generalissimo! It would be glorious, a parody of the leaders of the Leviathan War starring Matthew-

“WEDGE!”

The startled Moogle flew out of his seat, his wings reflexively propelling him into the ceiling fan positioned above his desk. His body became caught in the whirling wooden blades and began to spin him violently around as he cried out in dismay and delirium. Just as suddenly as he had been launched into the fan, he was propelled out of it and was sent careening into the wall at the front of the large office room.
It was there that he crashed through an “inspirational” poster (aptly titled “Inspiration” with the picture of a flying Gryphon over snow-capped mountains), leaving his white furry rump sticking out for all his co-workers to see. After a few seconds of shock, the room burst into laughter and giggling, including many squeals of “Kupo!”
       After managing to wiggle his way out of the hole he had created, Wedge dusted himself as he walked back to his desk, muttering “Not funny…”
       Waiting for him there was his boss, an oddly colored old Moogle with what looked like a mustache and holding a cigar in one hand.
“Hey Boss, I was just-“

“Don’t give me that lame excuse that you were waiting for a moment of inspiration to come, kupo!” yelled the old Moogle.

“Looks like he already found it!” another one chimed in, sending the room into fits of laughter again.

“Not. Funny.” Wedge growled.

“You’re not even good at faking working,” his boss glowered. “This, my friend, is a type writer.”

“Yes…” said Wedge.

“And what do you use at a newspaper to write with?”, his bosses beady eyes seemed to have bulged from pea size to grape.

“Errr, a type-writer?” Wedge hazarded a guess.

“A computer!!! Like every single other person in the whole city of Kupop! For the love of Kupo, you’ve been a bur in my coat since day one!”

“Aw come on Boss, I’ll bet the Giants don’t use computers. …unless they had keyboards the size of buses and a mouse as big as a...um, giant mouse...” Wedge mused. “Besides, I’m not all that bad. Remember the company barbeque?”

The Boss glared, “Yes, my mother is still recovering from your Ifrit-Gumbo.”

“Mmm…spicy,” Wedge rubbed his tummy.

“Wedge! I’ve just about had it with you, but I’ll tell you what.” The Boss started to calm down a bit, which concerned Wedge greatly, as he had never seen the Boss calm, even after he had ordered him a Singing Telegram for his birthday.

“Umm...what?”

“I’ll give you an assignment. One little reporting job. If you can do it, I won’t throw you into the Demon’s Quarter with fruitcake tied to your neck.”

Wedge was delighted. A real job! He hadn’t gotten a single thing to do since he did that article on Undead Politics and nearly got the whole office invaded by Vampires.
“Gee Boss, you’re the greatest! What’s the assignment?”

The Boss sighed and tossed a manilla folder on Wedge’s desk. “There’s been a report of a growing population of Moogles in Longman Island, that robo-city in Tasnica. Find out if we’ve got a new settlement of brothers there, and if the story doesn’t have too many typos or inflammatory remarks about zombies- excuse me: “life-challenged persons”, I’ll stick it in the ‘Odd News’ section.”

“Sure thing, Boss! I’ll get right on it. I’ll just go check out a camera, a van crew, maybe a couple helicopters…” Wedge excitedly began to plan for his daring journey into the dimensions beyond.

The Boss sent his dreams crashing down, smirking. “Oh no, you’re going solo. No company camera either. We don’t have the budget after garnishing the building with garlic.”

Wedge dejectedly put his imaginary note pad down, pom-pom drooping sadly.

“Here’s the door that will you take you there. This shouldn’t take you long, so I’ll expect you back in three days.” The Boss stuck a post-it note onto the folder and walked back to his office, passing the poster spot which had already been replaced with the image of a Frog in a Seraphim chasing down a terrified Stork, entitled “Don’t ever give up.”

Wedge walked briskly along a dark alleyway, clutching a crumpled paper in his hands, reviewing the directions his Boss had given him. “Three blocks past Horace’s, turn right at the mailbox, second alley on the left, and then the green door with a brass knob.” He read to himself for the 27th time. He looked up in front of him and to his left was a large green door with a shiny knob.

“How convenient.”

Reaching up, he turned the handle and opened it, stepping halfway through the doorway. He was nearly run over by a man running madly down another alleyway screaming at the top of his lungs “The CEEEEEELLLLPOOOOOOO”. Wedge quickly threw himself back inside the door and slammed it shut, frantically looking about him. The C-word was NEVER a good sign, especially when someone was running for dear life. Scratching his pom-pom, Wedge looked around him and saw a second door on the opposite side of the alley.

“Stupid Boss,” he grumbled. “This is more of a Forest Jade tone and that is definitely a copper handle.” He said, inspecting the newly found door. Nevertheless, he decided to open it as well, and proceeded through, though doing himself the favor of peeking first, and upon seeing no deadly secret agencies (though he doubted he’d be able to tell if they were there in the first place) he stepped through and into a fairly empty bus stop. The doorways of Kupopolis never ceased to amaze Wedge though he had used them numerous times to connect from one travel spot to the next. The fact that his Boss had a map with nearly every route to and from the city was equally amazing.

Wedge looked about him. The platform he stood upon was brightly lit and sat next to an empty road. A metal roof had electronic billboards placed upon the ceiling displaying rotating messages for various Big Corp division companies, though the majority of ads seemed to be based around Forge products. It was early dawn, and in the distance Wedge could see the bright shining of the sun reflecting off of a massive city. Checking the schedule posted on a column, Wedge confirmed that this was indeed Tasnica, and in all probability that city was Longman Island.
A bus arrived just then, a low, rumbling “hum” coming from the large vehicle. Wedge stepped up to the entrance, dropped a few coins in the slot and went to take a seat, expecting a few odd looks from the other passengers. He was surprised to see that no one even seemed to register his arrival, but even more shocked to see no one else was even alive! Or at least breathing, he thought. He took a seat next to a tall robot with what looked like hundreds of thin metal coils sticking out of its head, approximating something like hair. Wedge gazed at him, figuring a robot would have no problem with openly staring, and brought out a tiny note pad and began scribbling.
Just then he felt a low growl grumble itself through his stomach.

“Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a hamburger…” he bemoaned, clutching his furry belly.

The robot next to him seemed to come to life, cogs whirring as it turned it’s head and opened it’s makeshift mouth.
“You know what they call a Big Mac in Longman Island?” it asked.

“Umm…what?” Wedge replied.

“01000010011010010110011100100000010011010110000101100011,” the robot intoned, then started laughing, a cold mechanical sound that creeped the little Moogle out.

       Wedge scooted over several seats, unnerved by his first experience with a robot containing a sense of humor. Also, he was still hungry. Above him a screen projected images of hot dogs, soda, motor oil, nuts and bolts, nuts and grains, books, tires, donuts, trailers, and a logo for TunAMPM “Way, WAY too much crap”. Suddenly a small vending machine lowered itself from the ceiling suspended by a crane and placed itself in front of Wedge. Delighted, he punched in the code for a burrito, tomato juice, and a fruit snack. About to complete his order, he noticed a slot for disposable cameras and purchased one of those as well. The machine cha-thunked the items out and then moved on to the next bus passenger. Wedge took a practice shot of himself, blinding his small black eyes in the process with the flash. He then snapped a picture of a couple of the occupants of the bus before stowing it away in his knapsack. He hoped he’d have many more interesting things to photograph in the next few days.

       Wedge managed to doze off for five minutes before the bus completed its short drive to the city. He prided himself on his ability to sleep anytime, anywhere, on any job, and always took advantage of this unique skill. Feeling fully refreshed, he poinged off the bus and onto the city sidewalks of Longman Island.

Wedge looked up at the skyscraper he stood in front of, a large sign marking it as the headquarters for “Shirow Components”. Wedge was slightly puzzled as why the trail had brought him here, but all his research over the past few days had pointed to this building being where the large concentrations of Moogles had been seen. Wedge assumed perhaps it was a union of them working there. In the back of his mind he was concocting elaborate tales of slave labor and a race in need of rescue, and who better than journalist-by-day, superhero-by-night Wedge to save them? The friendly and beautiful receptionist seemed to confirm those thoughts: ALL evil corporations had beautiful receptionists, although not all of them had plugs sticking out of the back of their necks and into their terminals. Wedge took a picture of her (only 7 left now, he’d had way too much fun at a robo-karaoke bar the other night) and waited in the lobby for his appointment with a…

“Mr. Miha Topokwe is ready to see you now,” she chirped happily, motioning him in.
       
       Wedge walked through a bronze colored door that opened silently at his approach and down a long hallway, eventually stopping in front of a set of wooden double doors. They opened and the Moogle was greeted by a tall, fair skinned man in a gray suit. Strikingly, the man had a green visor over his eyes, although everything else about him looked normal. Wedge assumed they were laser beams.

“Welcome. I’m Mr. Topokwe, but please, call me Miha,” he said in a pleasant, professional voice.

“Wedge. Nice ta meet ya,” Wedge replied, extending a paw.

“It really is quite exciting to meet a genuine Moogle. Please, come into my office,” Miha said, leading Wedge inside.

“Genuine Moogle? But I thought you had several-“

Wedge was interrupted by the high-pitched and delighted squeal of a little girl. “Ohhhh Daddy, wook! It’s awother none!”

Miha laughed and scooped up a small girl with teal hair into his arms before she could accost the Moogle with hugs and smothering.

“I’m terribly sorry, you’ll have to excuse my daughter, Synthia. She’s not used to the office. Her mother is getting implants today..” Wedge’s pom-pom perked, “ Umm, perhaps not quite what you’re thinking of, and so I’m baby sitting her for the day.”

“That’s wight! Faudda-Daudda day wight Daddy?” the little girl said.

Yeesh, Wedge thought. And I thought WE were sickeningly cute.

“Anyways, I do have a meeting soon, so let’s get down to business. You would like to know more about our Moogles here in Longman Island correct?” Miha smiled.

“That’s right…err, wait, what do you mean ‘our’ Moogles? Are you keeping Moogles as slaves Mr. Topokwe!?” Wedge jumped up hotly, waving a stubby pencil at the tall man.

“Of course not! You’ve got it all wrong my friend,” Miha chuckled. “No, our Moogles all have free will, but of course, they’re all designed that way. Makes them much more lovable in the end, I feel.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand what you mean…could you perhaps say it…simpler?” Wedge scratched his head, confused. This wasn’t an evil empire? Wait, maybe it was a trick! A ploy! He would play their games…but he would be watching his back. He craned his neck around to look behind him, but made sure to keep Miha in his peripheral vision.

“How about I show you what it is we do here at Shirow Components? Synthia, would you like that?” Miha’s daughter nodded enthusiastically.

“Sounds great!” Wedge thought excitedly, then chided himself for seeming enthusiastic. This was a trap…he had to be extra cautious. He was glad he’d taken his fencing sword from his war days with him…not that he’d used it then…but it seemed fitting to have “El Toothpick” strapped to his side. Blessed by Shiva it was, so the supply depot soldier said.

       Wedge followed Mr. Topokwe and his daughter into a small elevator. Miha stepped up to a small panel and spoke into it “Moogle Factory”. The doors closed and with a slight lurch, the elevator descended.

Swiftly the doors re-opened and Miha stepped out, daughter in hand as they walked into a large area filled with sounds of construction, machinery, and piles of parts. Most importantly to Wedge was the sight of nearly a hundred Moogles walking about the factory.

Synthia giggled. “Wook Daddy! Thew aw wike Kupomon!” she said, pointing at the Moogles.

Mr. Topokwe nodded, then whispered into his cufflink. Wedge has just pulled out his camera when two men in white coats appeared.

“Wedge, these are two of our newest engineers, Dr. Black and Dr. Jim.”

Dr. Black, a muscular man nodded silently. Dr. Jim, the other man and exceedingly tall smiled and waved.

Miha continued, “These are just two of our staff here, but you can see the results of our work right behind them. Dr. Jim, if you would?”

Dr. Jim smiled again and pulled out a small electronic pad, punched a few keys, and waited. One of the Moogles stopped what it was working on and walked over slowly, wings flapping awkwardly.

“This is one of our newest models, designed specifically for the ultra-rich parent to buy for their ultra-spoiled child. It’s designed with everything a child could ever want or need in a playmate, and also includes some very potent-“ Dr. Black began before being interrupted.

“Wait, Model?? As in…robot?” Wedge asked.

Dr. Jim and Dr. Black looked at each other.

“Yes, Wedge, very astute. These are cybernetic replicas of Moogles! Their formal title is Tachikupo, but we just call them our Moogles,” Miha said, smiling. “After extensive polling we determined the best ‘life-sized’ play mate replica a child would enjoy was a Moogle, and so extensive research and development went into making these little wonders. Quite accurate, don’t you think?” he said, patting the artificial Moogle on the head.

Wedge looked at the thing in blank horror, as it gazed back at him showing no emotion.

“We’ve given them as much free will as we could design in a robot; we felt that it would facilitate a child’s feeling of true ‘friendship’, but of course they have personality traits lending towards obedience, kindness, friendship, etcetera…and the ever present robot rules and overrides.” Dr. Jim said. “They are both safe and satisfying.”

“Almost better than the real thing, eh?” Dr. Black replied, laughing.

“WHAT?!” Wedge yelled, whirling about on Dr. Black, sword drawn.

“Hey now, easy there little fella-“ Dr. Black backed up, hands raised.

“Hostile intent detected, kupo. Initiating Defense Program.”

Wedge looked about to see where the mysterious voice came from. He spotted the fake Moogle walking towards him.

“Oh it’s a fight it wants eh? Fine! En guarde you cheap imitation, I challenge you to a duel!” Wedge hopped about, sword pointed in front of him.

The Tachikupo’s head suddenly split apart, revealing a large cannon, looking very armed and deadly.

“Oh sh-“

“Hey, watch your language around me daughter!” Miha reprimanded Wedge.

“Oh, sorry about tha-“ BOOM! An explosion at Wedge’s feet sent him flying backwards, singeing his fur and crashing him into a crate of parts.

“Hmm…targeting needs to be recalibrated…” Dr. Black mused.

“Doctor! Shut it down you fool!” Miha yelled as the Robo-Moogle shot another round at Wedge, which he barely avoided.

“Ah, right…” Dr. Jim began tapping more buttons on his pad quickly.

Meanwhile Wedge ran screaming about the factory, ducking behind columns and boxes to avoid the continuing blasts.

“Bet you the thing kills him before you can disable it.” Dr. Black chuckled.

“You’re on, not that I have much desire to save the silly little thing.”

A thought occurred to Wedge as he dashed behind a trio of barrels. His camera! His Boss would kill him if he didn’t take any pictures of this! Whipping it out, he jumped into the sky, wings propelling him high and quickly snapped three pictures of both the Tachikupo and the factory. Dazed by the flash, the robot paused in it’s firing, giving Wedge time enough to dive bomb at it, sword pointed straight for it’s “heart”. Just as he was about to deliver a killing blow, he was grabbed mid-flight by the leg by a long, spindly hand, belonging to Dr. Jim, who had just finished shutting down the machine.

“Those things cost roughly 1 million a piece you know. I don’t think your salary could afford it,” he said, his face painted with annoyance.

“I will say though, that was one of the most amusing things I’ve seen in awhile,” Dr. Black said.

“Not funny…” Wedge growled, dangling from Dr. Jim’s grip.

“Dear Boss,

       Attached is the article on the new “Moogle colony” in Longman Island. I’ll let you read the details for yourself, but it certainly wasn’t what I had expected. I’ve also included some photos, and expense receipts for a food, equipment, and medical therapy I’m sure I will need. I’m taking some time off, and heading back to my roots, so I’ll come back to town when I’ve got an itch to write that musical. Take care, and keep up the inspiration!

-Wedgeworth Biggins”


Wedge signed the letter with flourish and sealed it in an envelope along with the photos and receipts. He then stuck it in a mailbox at the train station and walked back towards his bag.

“Ahhh…nothing like the smell of Esper! Good to be home…course, I’m dead if they find out I’m an exile, but I’ll be even MORE dead if I don’t find my nephew for Sis…that woman’s crazy.”

Wedge hopped off the train station and started walking down the windy road towards home.