Hi.   Along with the regular rules and the 6 ingredients, I gave myself a number of challenges in addition.   To achieve everything I wanted to do, I had to stretch the rules to the limit.   It will be your job to decide if I crossed that boundary or not (I think not, but it is a close thing).   My only request is you read and enjoy the story first, and worry about if it followed the rules after that.

So don’t worry about word counts (it is just under 18,000 words, if you are curious) or ingredients or story links, and just enjoy.     If everyone enjoys the story and then gives me a score of 1, I’ll be OK with it. If you take risks, you sometimes lose. I had huge fun writing it and hopefully you will have fun reading it.


Curt Club Private Eye – In the Case of the Flying Trucks
A radio play in three acts.

Opening:

Narrator:   WKUP in Egmont is proud to present another episode in the series “Curt Club – Private Eye”.   Tonight’s entry: “The Case of the Flying Trucks”.

(Kuat theme music plays in the background)

Narrator: This show is brought to you by the Kuat Consortium.   There is nothing they won’t do to sell their products to you.

Act 1:   Scene 1:

Narrator:   Act 1 – Trucks in the sky.

Narrator:   As our story opens, Curt Club, Private Eye and his secretary Vera are being escorted into the Egmont branch offices of Kuat Motors, in the fabulous Consortium Tower – a famous landmark of the web of worlds.

Kuat Executive: Mr. Club I presume.   Thank you for coming at such short notice.   This lovely creature with you is?

Club: The dame is my secretary Vera.   Say hello Vera.   I’d be lost without her.   Now may I suggest we get right down to business.   I get paid 600 GP a day and my first day started the minute I walked into your office.

(Vera and Executive make some polite hellos)

Kuat Executive:   I’m well aware of the price of your services Mr. Club; I’ve already gotten approval in my budget to pay you.     This is a simple job and we won’t need more than a day’s work from you.

(Rustle of papers)

Kuat Executive:   The problem is that for some unknown reason some of our semi-trucks have been floating into the air for no apparent reason, hovering there for a while, and floating to the ground again.   We have 4 such incidents so far, the details of each are in these files I prepared for you.

(More paper rustling)

Kuat Executive:   The last incident took place about a week ago in Backwoods.   The driver was scared out of his wits and immediately complained to his union.   Now the union claims that something is wrong with our engines or magitek fuel, and is claiming we need to pay drivers hazard pay until the problem is fixed.

Kuat Executive:   Our engineers are totally sure it isn’t the engines or fuel; they say that they couldn’t make a truck fly if they wanted to.   But to appease the union, we promised to hire an independent outside investigator to look into the causes of this sudden floating.   That investigator is you Mr. Club.

Club:   I’m sure the Backwoods police have already done a complete investigation.   Why do you need me?

Kuat Executive:   We don’t really.   But it will look better to the unions if you get the report and certify it as complete and accurate.   We only have time and budget to pay you for one day’s work Mr. Club, and I doubt you’ll need even that.   You go to Backwoods, read the police investigation, ask any additional question you like, and return here in 24 hours with your report.   Simple.

Club:   Yey.   Except it’s a crazy world out there, and nothing is ever simple.   But I’ll give you a full 24-hour investigation.   It’s 12:05PM now; I’ll be back here tomorrow with whatever I could dig up at 11:50AM.   Have my check for 600 GP ready at that point.   I’ll invoice you for my travel expenses to Backwoods and any other expenses along the way.   Agreed?

Kuat Executive:   Agreed Mr. Club.   I won’t delay your work any longer.   Thank you again for taking this case on such short notice.

Act 1:   Scene 2:

Narrator:   Less then 2 hours latter, Curt Club private eye entered the offices of Captain Warren, of the Backwoods police force.

Warren:   Mr. Club.     Nice to meet you.   We just got word that you would be coming.   We’re always happy to cooperate with a large corporation and taxpayer like Kuat Motors.   We have already closed that investigation, and here’s a copy of our official findings.

Club:   Cut the polite Neko pellets.   I’m not one for dancing around a case.   Tell me why you think a Kuat truck suddenly decided to pretend to be a hot air balloon?

Warren:   If you read our official report, we have a lot of evidence that it was a harmless prank, probably done by a young student of wizardry.   That’s our official conclusion.   Unofficially, I’ll admit that a member of the Wizard’s Guild was seen nearby when the incident happened.   He deigns any involvement, but I got the impression levitating the truck was some sort of test for a student.     I impressed on him that in the future, he should try tests that attracted less media attention, and he agreed.   I doubt this will ever happen again.

Club:   Thank you Captain.   I’m sure Kuat Motors will be happy with your reassurances.

(Sound of movement of chairs, and then a door closing)

Vera:   That was easy Curt.     I can type up the report and we’re done.   The easiest job you’ve had in a long time.

Club:   Yey.   It would be easy if I believed him.   Only it was all a lie.   Using an excuse like “It was a test or a prank for a young wizard student” is about as corny as saying, “A dog ate my homework” or “It wasn’t me, it was someone that looks just like me.”   He’s covering up something.   Something big.   And I have just about 22 hours to find out what.

Vera:   So are we going stick around Backwoods and look for clues?

Club:   No.   We’re going back to Egmont.   The police are very efficient here; anything that we could find has been found and has been covered up by now.   The trail is cold.   However, if 4 cases of flying trucks were reported, how many do you think there were that weren’t reported?   If we can trace down an unreported incident, we’ll find the answer.   We’ll need your niece to help on this one.   Call her and tell her to meet us at my office.

Vera:   Are you sure Club.   She’s only 10 years old, and I don’t like keeping her up to all hours of night.

Club:   Sorry Doll.   I don’t know anyone who can search the Ominet better than her.   And she works cheap.   Working long hours for little pay is how the world works, she needs to learn it eventually.   Come on, if we rush, we can make the 2PM shuttle to Egmont.

(A haunting ethereal blues rift plays in the background)

Club:   I know what you’re thinking out there in the audience.   The police report’s explanation seems like the simplest most logical explanation for this case.   But let me give you Club’s Razor, the principle on which I live my life.   If the world was a logical place then dames would say what they mean, men would ask directions when they’re lost, drunks and junkies would do whatever it takes to put their life back together, and criminals would figure out that they’re the only profession in Tasnica that averages a below minimum wage hourly salary.   Also the time of day that the traffic is the slowest wouldn’t be called “rush hour”.   This is a crazy world and the simplest most direct answer to a question is never correct.   When you pay Curt Club to find the answer to something, I’ll find that answer no matter what it takes.   Thanks for listening.

(Music fades out).

Act 1:   Scene 3:

Narrator:   Curt Club Private Eye returns to his seedy office in a rough part of Egmont.

Tabitha:   Aunt Vera. How you doing?   Mom says hi!

Club:   Hi kid.   We’ve got to get right to work.   I assume the same deal as last time is OK.

Tabitha:   Hi Mr. Club.   One GP an hour, and you have to feed me.   Only Mom says she wasn’t happy about the last time.   She wants me to remind you I’m just 10.

Club:   I’m sorry kid.   My beat is the seamier underbelly of human existence.   It’s a violent perverted world out there, and when you’re a private eye, you see the worst of it.

Tabitha:   Oh, Mom doesn’t care about that.   There’s more sex and violence on her soap operas than I see here.   And have you seen kids’ cartoons lately?     No, she meant you can’t keep feeding me sodas filled with caffeine and sugar all night.   She says you have to get in diet soda without caffeine.   I’m a growing girl after all.

Vera: It’s OK sweetie.   I’ll run to the store before we leave again.

Club:   OK, we have the menu in order.   Now we have a lot of work to do and very little time to do it in.   Do you understand what I want kid?

Tabitha:   No problem, Aunt Vera filled me in while you were flying back, and I already got started.   I’ve completely researched the 4 cases of flying trucks we already know about.   There isn’t anything in the press or other sources that isn’t in the police reports you already have.   Then I did a full search for “Flying Trucks” on the Ominet.   Got 2,395 hits, and that was only in Tasnican news sources.     But most of them were things like “The cars and trucks are flying to their destinations on the new highway”.   I did find one very interesting report out of Sanctuary/Heinlein, however.

(Papers rustle)

Vera: “Unnamed reliable sources say the Guardian Defense Force has come across a Diamond Corporation Semi Truck floating in space.   No explanation exists as to how it got there.”   This is just weird.

Tabitha:   I thought so.   So I hacked into the Guardian Defense Force’s computer and got a copy of the complete report.

Club:   Good work kid.

(More paper rustling).

Vera: But could this just be a coincidence.   Maybe the truck was cargo on some supply ship that crashed.

Tabitha:   Not possible Aunt Vera.   Everything sent into space is carefully registered.   But even if it were smuggled, they wouldn’t transport it whole like that.   They would dismantle it to conserve space and reassemble it when they got to where they were going.

Club:   The kid’s correct.   But could an explosion blast it into outer space maybe?

Tabitha:   Not unless this was a cartoon.   A truck is heavy, even an empty one.   Any explosion with enough force to propel a truck at escape velocity would crush it like a cheaply made soda can.

Club: That’s what I thought. So whatever sent those 4 Kuat trucks into the air could have sent this Diamond truck into the space.   Anything unusual about this truck?

Tabitha:   I don’t think so.   Here’s a photo that the Echo team took.   It just looks like an everyday truck to me.

Club: Yey.   An everyday truck with everyday graffiti painted on its side.   Can you blow up that graffiti?   The street scum that paint graffiti don’t do it to be artistic.   It’s an ego thing.   Every piece of graffiti has the painter’s mark.   A unique signature that we can use to trace back the truck to where it was when it was vandalized.

Tabitha:   It’s almost impossible to read in this grainy a photo.   But this enhancement software might help.   There, does that help?   It looks like there are words there.

Vera:   It says “Celiose Cole Sucks”.   Not very useful.

Club:   No, underneath that.   It says “Ourselves to be the slaves of chance and flies of every wind that blows.”   That’s awful poetic for a graffiti artist?   Is it words from some rap music?

Tabitha:   No.   It’s a quote from a long dead playwright named Shakespeare.

Club:   “Flies of every wind that blows” sounds like the graffiti artist knew something about flying trucks.   There’s his mark.   That stylized “JIP” at the bottom.   Could you look it up in some database of graffiti marks?

Tabitha: Sure, if there were a database of graffiti marks.   Which I doubt.   Graffiti usually stays in the neighborhood where it was painted, so the local police would have no reason to share that information with police forces from other locations.   However, I can do a picture search to see if I can find that mark somewhere else.   I can also look for any reference to a graffiti artist who quotes Shakespeare.

Club:   See what you can do kid.   Now what we have to focus on is this “Dr. Feelgood” character.   He clearly knows something about the truck.   Can you find anything on him kid?

Tabitha:   Unfortunately, many criminals call themselves “Dr. Feelgood”.   But about 12 years ago, a “Dr. Feelgood” who was a dealer/manufacturer for a new designer drug was shut down by the Narshe police.   That drug dealer matches the description, and the police never caught him.

Club:   Looks like we’re getting somewhere.   Know anything about him that might help us trace him?

Tabitha:   Not really.   The Narshe police believe “Dr. Feelgood” also used the alias “Dr. Clone” when he was involved in illegal cloning in Egmont 16 years ago.   There’s lots on that operation before it was shut down.   The papers had a field day.   A number of egotists used him to make clones of themselves that they raised as their children.   There are even some recent news stories.   It seems a young girl that “Dr. Clone” birthed from a test tube was kidnapped 10 days ago.   The police have some leads but have made no arrests yet.

Club:   That sounds promising.   Pull it up.

(Silence for a few seconds)

Club:   Look at that.   It says that an unknown person driving a semi truck chased the kidnappers.   He radioed in his position and the kidnapper’s description before his truck blew up on the road.     Why would anyone chase a car with a semi truck?   Cars have more speed, and a faster turn radius; it should be able to lose a semi easy.

Vera:   Maybe it was a spur of the moment thing.

Club:   Yey.   Maybe everyone who fills out an income tax form has a great memory for deductions but amnesia when it comes to income sources.   Dr. Feelgood is in outer space flying one truck, while at home, a young girl created in his laboratory is kidnapped and someone else in a semi tries to rescue her.   This is too big a coincidence for me.   I don’t know what Dr. Feelgood has about using flying trucks or what his game is.   But so far, the only witnesses we have are two lowlife kidnappers.   It looks like I have some legwork to do to find this scum.   Doll, stay here with the kid and track down that Graffiti mark.

(Door opens and closes)

Tabitha:   Aunt Vera.   Can I ask you a question?

Vera:   Sure Sweetie.

Tabitha:   We started investigating a strange occurrence in Backwoods.   We went from there to a nut floating around in outer-space.   Now we’re probing a kidnapping in Egmont.   How can he solve this case in one day when it gets more complex every minute?   Will Kuat Motors even accept his findings?   I mean, they just wanted him to deliver a rubber-stamped report, won’t they be angry at these side trips.

Vera:   I’ve worked for Curt for a while now.   The one thing I’m sure of is: it’s going to get much more complex. Somehow, he’ll tie it all together in 24 hours, and Kuat Motors will love it.   How, I don’t know, but I’ll bet that’s how this will end.   Tell you what, if he fails, I’ll cook you and your family your favorite dinner.   If he succeeds, you invite me over for my favorite Guardian lasagna dinner.   Is it a deal?

Tabitha:   It’s a bet, Aunt Vera.


Act 1:   Scene 4

Narrator:   Later that evening.   Vera and Tabitha get a phone call.

(Phone ringing)

Vera:   Curt Club, Private Eye.

Club: Hi Vera.   I got good news and bad news.   I found the two scum that the Egmont police list as their prime suspects in the kidnapping.   They’re on a drinking binge in a rundown biker bar down on the south side.     That’s the good news.   The bad news: it looks like they plan to spend 3 days.   No way they’ll talk to me voluntarily.   If I try to get tough, the lowlifes at this bar will join a fight first and figure out sides and odds afterwards.   As long as they’re in that bar, I won’t be able get anything from them without getting myself killed.

Vera:   So what are our options boss?

Club:   Not sure.   If I had time, I’d set up a stakeout on this bar, and just jump them when they leave or when the bar empties out, whichever comes first.     We need to have this case solved by 11:45AM tomorrow.   Without a lot more muscle, I think we’re stumped.

Tabitha:   Aunt Vera, Great-great grandma has her school in that neighborhood.   She has night classes on weeknights.   Might she help?

Vera:   That’s a great idea.   She’d love the challenge.   Curt, are you anywhere near Varsy Street?

Club:     About 10 blocks away.   But we’re talking about a biker bar 20 sub-human mutants.   I don’t think this a place for anyone’s great-great grandmother.

Vera:   Trust me boss.   Just meet me at 139 Varsy Street.   The school on the third floor.   You can’t miss it.

Club:     I’ll bite.   See you in 20 minutes.

(Sound of phones hanging up).

Act 1:   Scene 5

Narrator: Soon afterwards, in a school on the third floor called simply “Madam Nu’s MN Academy”.

Vera:   Curt I’d like you to meet my Great Grandmother Nu.

Madam Nu:   So this is the handsome boss you’re always talking about.   Some looker, but he doesn’t look too smart.

Club:   Excuse me for staring.   Vera didn’t tell me her Great Grandmother was a Moogle.

Madam Nu:   I am NOT a Moogle.   I am old, 135 to be exact.   When you get older, you shrink.   You live to 135 years and see how tall you are!

Club:   But you’re fuzzy?

Madam Nu: And you have hair growing out of your ears.   You get older; hair starts to grow in all sorts of places.   At 135 you might be fuzzy also.   A gentleman wouldn’t be so rude as to point out the fact.

Club:   But the cute red tuff ball, and the ears, and …

Vera:   Give it up Curt.   She has an answer for everything.   And don’t let Great Grandma bully you.   Most people think she’s a Moogle.   In fact, I suspect she emphasizes that look because it helps business.   She does run a school for Moogles after all.

Madam Nu:   Not just Moogles.     Moogle Ninjas.   This is the leading school for Moogle Ninjas in the entire web of world.

Club:   Is that your idea Vera?   Moogle Ninjas?     I’m sorry old lady.   I was being rude, that’s just me.   But we’re talking about a biker bar filled with the foulest and nastiest examples of human existence.   I doubt any number of Moogles; even Moogle Ninjas will be able to do much for me.

Madam Nu:   Don’t kid yourself tall and dumb-looking.   I can’t use any of my fourth-year students; they would complain that it was too easy for them.   But it seems like a good field exercise for my first-year class.   Lucky for you, they’re in class now, and bored with all that “wash on, wash off” stuff.

Club: OK.   I’ll give you a try.   But I don’t have any budget for Moogle Ninjas.

Vera:   Don’t worry boss.   Great Grandma Nu will give us a family discount, and cut it even further since she’s using only student ninjas.

Madam Nu:   I want to test my students on “unseen entry”.   So give me 20 minutes to explain the assignment to the class. Then go do your stuff, and you can trust we’ll back you up.

Act 1:   Scene 6:

Narrator:   Soon afterwards, in the lowest nastiest biker bar in the Tasnica Republic.

Club:   Hey scum-buckets.   Word on the street is you two Nancys are too pathetic to be with real women.   You have to kidnap and torture children to get your rocks off.

Kidnapper 1:   Look what we have here.   A skinny fool with a death wish.   I’m going to enjoy tearing you to pieces.

Bartender:   Stranger.   You’re clearly here to commit suicide. But you better have some real money in your pocket to play for cleaning up the bloodstains.

Bar-goer 1:   Who are you trying to kid, Sid?   There are bloodstains on the counter that are twenty years old.   You’ll pocket the money and just use the same dirty mop you always use.

Bar-goer 2:   This stranger looks like a cop to me.   I like killing cops.

(Sudden sounds of fighting and high-pitched martial arts like yells of “Kupo Kupo”)

Madam Nu:   So what do you think of my students, tall and dumb-looking?

Club:   I loved the way they dropped from the ceiling like that.   And those matching black Ninja outfits are very smart, all 26 of them.   However, you’ll notice that with all that yelling and kicking and karate chops, every biker is still standing and most just look annoyed.

Madam Nu: They’re just getting started.   Students!   Use some of your advanced fighting techniques:

Ninja Student 1:     Leaping Crain Kick!   KUPO! KUPO!

(Sounds of fighting and bodies hitting the floor)

Ninja Student 2:     Charging Tiger Punch!   KUPO!

(Sounds of fighting and more bodies hitting the floor)

Ninja Student 3:     Flatulent Skunk Attack! Kupoooooooooo!

(Groans of disgust)

Madam Nu:   Rikus!   I told you never ever to use that technique in public.   It’s not dignified and you’re sure to be arrested for public indecency, even it a place like this.

Kidnapper 1:   OK dead meat.   Your miniature ninjas are very impressive in hand-to-hand.   How well do they do against someone with a hunting knife who knows how to use it?

Kidnapper 2:   You mean a bar full of people with knives and broken bottles.   Most of our friends here don’t take kindly to being beat up by fuzzy miniature ninjas.   They will enjoy cutting you guys up.

(Pings of metal as knives are drawn).

Madam Nu:   Excellent.   My students need practice in street sword fighting.     Ninjas.   Draw your swords.   And try not to get any blood on your black outfits.   My cleaning bills are awful as it is.

(Sounds of a great number of swords being drawn).

Kidnapper 1: Well it seems we’re playing children’s games here.   Knives beat hands.   Swords beat Knives.   It’s my turn.   How about “Guns beat Swords”?   Sounds like a winning move to me!

(Sounds of knives dropping and guns being cocked)

Club:   How about “Anti-Tank Rocket Launcher Beats Guns”?

(Sound of a high pitched whir from a high tech weapon.)

Club:   I would drop those little pop guns if I were you!

Madam Nu: OK tall stuff.   You’re not as stupid as you look.   Why didn’t you tell me you had that angry-looking bad boy hidden under your trenchcoat?

Club:   I figured with 26 student Moogle Ninja’s as plan A, I should have a pretty big Plan B ready.

Bartender:   You’re bluffing stranger. If you shoot that thing off you’ll not only blow all us up, you’ll take out all your fuzzy friends, yourself, your prom date there, and the whole building for that matter.

Club:   Not at all.   My ninja friends have an escape route through the roof, and they’re small and bounce easy.   They’ll be OK.   And the old broad and I are standing next to the door.   Now are all of you going to drop your guns, or do you want to test out my aim with this thing?   You should know its set to go off if I drop it, in which case my aim won’t be as good.

(Sounds of guns dropping on the floor)

Kidnapper 1:   OK. You win.   Just let me get a gallon of rocky-road from the freezer, and me and my buddy will go anywhere you want and answer any questions you have.

Club:   No dice Scum.   You could have a nuclear device hidden in that freezer.   One of the Ninja’s will get the Ice Cream.

(Sounds of a large crowd moving)

Madam Nu:   He said ONE of the Ninjas.   Just ONE!   You shouldn`t all have gone at once.   Sorry tall stuff we’ve been working on “Ninja Unity” this month. They take their lessons a little too seriously.   You should see the school’s Moogle Ninja synchronize swimming team.   We won the championship against the Hrylian Dwarf Dragon Tamer’s Academy last week.

Bartender:   Hey Stranger.   Seeing how the two scum you were after just snuck out the back door in the confusion, would you mind taking that cannon and all your fuzzballs and leave?   No one’s buying any drinks while you’re pointing that thing at them.

Club:   Quick Ninjas.   Maybe we can get them before they get away.   Outside!

Act 1:   Scene 7:

Narrator:   Just outside the bar:

Vera:   There you are.   I assume the two sub-humans that just ran out are our target?   They hopped into a green Kuat Motors car and left as if they were being chased by demons.

Madam Nu:   Don’t worry tall stuff.   Ninjas always come prepared and a prominent chase is just what they need to make up for that ice cream disaster.

(Sounds of reviving of engines)

Madam Nu:   OK ninjas.   Follow that scum.   This will count as a pop quiz, and I`ll give extra credit to the first ninja that gets them.

Vera:   Come on Curt.   We can follow them in my car.

(Sounds of a car turning on and driving off)

Club:   I’m impressed by those 13 miniature go-carts.   They’re fast.

Vera: I’m more impressed by the 13 miniature motorized gliders.   And the fact that all 26 of them can drive and still hold a gallon tub of Ice Cream in their laps.

Club:   But what is your Great-Grandma riding on.   Is that a pogo stick?

Vera: Absolutely.   Great-Grandma Nu holds the web or worlds 2-mile pogo stick speed record.

Club:   That’s one spry old lady.

Narrator:   As the Ninja and Curt Club have a Prominent Chase Scene, let us cut to hear a word from our sponsor:

(Kuat theme music plays in the background)

Narrator:   The Kuat Consortium.   Being an evil corporation means we can keep our costs low and our profits high.   And we pass some of those savings to our loyal customers:


Act 1:   Scene 8:

Narrator:   Before we start up the show again, I just wanted to explain that we had this exciting prominent chase scene all written.   Lots of action, exploding Ice Cream, the works.     However, the moogle actors union insisted that we give our Moogle Ninjas a lunch break, and if you don’t know, Moogles eat a lot and take long lunch breaks.   We only could afford the 26 Moogles for a day and we just ran out of time.   So basically, what happened is the Moogle Ninjas ate most of our chase scene.


Act 1:   Scene 9:

Narrator: While we were gone, the 26 student Ninja Moogles caught up to the two kidnappers and have them tied up in a deserted warehouse just outside of Egmont.

Kidnapper 1:   OK.   You got us copper.   But there’s nothing you and these overgrown hairballs can do to make us talk!

Club: Unfortunately for you, I’m not a “copper”; I’m a private eye.   That means I can use techniques to make you talk that a real cop would never get away with.

Madam Nu:   Hold on tall stuff.   I hate to deny you your fun. It’s rare I get a real chance to test out my first-years on interrogation.   OK class-- pop quiz.   I want you to all do torture technique #37.   You will get points off for every minute that this scum doesn’t talk.   Now everyone, get into positions, and reverse your ninja garb.

(The sounds of clothing rustling).

Vera: By Rainere.   Who would have thought that all of those black ninja outfits became a different colorful native costumes from all over the web, when you turned them inside-out?

Madam Nu:   OK.   Class.   Take your places.   And One.   And Two.   And Three:

(Music box like melody plays in the background)

26 Dancing Moogle Ninjas:   (In high-pitched child-like voices)

It`s a small web after all
It`s a small web after all
It`s a small web after all
It`s a small, small web

It`s a web of laughter
And a web of tears
It`s a web of hopes
And a web of fears
There`s so much that we share
That it`s time we`re aware
It`s a small web after all

It`s a small web after all
It`s a small web after all
It`s a small web after all
It`s a small, small web

Kupo Kupo.

Vera:   That’s an interesting dance they’re doing.   It sort of looks like native dances from around the web, but very mechanical and repetitive.   Sort of like an “elevator music” version of a native dance.

Club:   At least it dispels the rumor that “Moogles don’t Dance”.

Vera:   But it definitely supports the belief that “Moogles don’t Dance Well”.

26 Dancing Moogle Ninjas: (Increasing the tempo)

It`s a small web after all
It`s a small web after all
It`s a small web after all
It`s a small, small web

The strands make a net
All the worlds they connect
All the peoples are joined
By their love and respect
Though the mountains divide
And the space void is wide
It`s a small web after all

It`s a small web after all
It`s a small web after all
It`s a small web after all
It`s a small, small web

Kupo Kupo.

Kidnapper 1:   OK, OK.   Make it stop.   Make it stop.   I’m going to have that song in my head now.   Haunting me, not letting me sleep.   You win; we’ll tell you whatever you want to know.

(Music fades)

Club:   Why did you kidnap the girl?   Why that girl?   Who are you working for?   What does “Dr. Feelgood” have to do with any of this?

Kidnapper 1:   I don’t know.     We aren’t working for anyone.   It just seemed like a good idea at the time.   She was hot, and her Daddy was rich, that was all.   It was just the two of us.   I never heard of anyone named “Dr. Feelgood”, honest.   I maybe would have sold the girl to some slavers I know, if she was alive after we finished.   We hadn’t planned that far ahead.

Madam Nu:   Sounds like they’re lying to me.   Ninjas, another chorus.   This time do it in the language of the Todos.

(Music starts again)

26 Dancing Moogle Ninjas: Bark Ba Honk Bark Honkonk-Honk.   Bark Ba Honk Bark Honkonk-Honk.

Madam Nu:   Now in the secret language of the Merge League Liches:

26 Dancing Moogle Ninjas:   Grd K Zzzrlln Xwb Ghgt-Qptls

Madame Nu:   Now in …

Kidnapper 1:   No!   Please no more.   Please.   I told you the truth. It was just us.   I don’t know this Dr. Feelgood.

Club:   I think they’re telling the truth.

(Music fades again)

Club:   Dr. Feelgood seems to be fascinated with trucks recently, and these two were driving a car.   That truck driver that called in your location.   What can you tell me about him?

Kidnapper 1:   Nothing.   I don’t know anything.   He just appeared out of nowhere.   I never saw him before.   Then he tried to push us off the road.   I thought we were goners for sure.   That huge truck, against our little car.   I slammed on my brakes as an act of desperation, hoping he’d swerve to miss us and go off the road.   Instead, he ploughed right into us and blew up.   I don’t know why.

Club:   What was unusual about that truck?   Did it fly?

Kidnapper 1:   Of course not.   It was a truck.   A semi!   Trucks don’t fly.   I told you what happened.

Club:   Madam Nu.   If you would …

Kidnapper 2:   NO!!!   It maybe was too heavy.   That’s all!

Club:   Too heavy?   What do you mean?

Kidnapper 2:   This isn’t the first time I’ve drag raced with a Semi.   So I know.   Now maybe the truck was just carrying a full load.   But the way it hit us when it almost knocked us off the road.   Or the way we went flying when it crashed into our rear.   It just seemed heavier then a truck should be.   More solid.

Club:   Heavier!! Of course.   How could I have been so dumb?   Vera, you and I need to get back to Tabitha quick.   Madame Nu, you and your first-years did wonderful work.   Make out an invoice to Kuat Motors, and get it to Vera before 11AM tomorrow.   You might as drop these two douche bags off at the police.   They have to be wanted for something.

Madam Nu:   Will do tall stuff.   Nice working with you.   Vera, I’ll see you at my mother’s birthday party next week, she’ll be 160, and we’ll have a real blowout.     All of you first-years get an A- on your torture quiz.   It took two verses before these turds cracked, but otherwise it was perfect.

26 Moogle Ninjas in unison:   Kupo Kupo Sensei.

Narrator:   Let me take a moment to tell you good people that the previous scene was much more realistic and violent in the original script.   However, the censors told us that there were kids listening and we had to make the scene more family friendly.   So if you find you can’t stop singing “It’s a small web..”   in your head; then blame the censors.

Act 1:   Scene 10:

Narrator:   A few minutes later, back in the seedy office of Curt Club, Private Eye.

Club:   Tabitha.   Try a new search.   Anything about exploding trucks or heavy trucks.   Or just anything unusual about a truck, anywhere in the Tasnica Republic.

Tabitha:   Here’s a weird one.   Look at this photo.   A Kuat Truck driver, one with a spotless record, deviated from his route for the first time in his life.   He parked the truck, spent the day in a bookstore, then when he got back to the truck, it just …

Vera:   It’s flat.   The truck just is flat.   It looks a building fell on it.   Or something really big stepped on it.   See how the pattern on the top looks like a giant footprint.

Tabitha:   Only there were witnesses on the street.   Nothing fell on the truck and nothing stepped on it.   I would think anything big enough to step on a truck would be noticed.   According to witnesses, the driver just got into the driver’s seat, and then --- flat.

Club:   There must be a police report.   What did the police investigators say?

Tabitha:   Just a second, I’ll hack into the police computers.   It’s a closed case, so it’s low security at this point.   The local priests say it was an act of the Gods.   Some random manifestation of divine power beyond mortal understanding.   Both the police and the Kuat Consortium seemed to accept this explanation.

Club:   What is wrong with the police in the Tasnica Republic?   First, they give a lame excuse like “It was a prank by a magic student” and now they accept “the Gods did it and we’re too mortal to understand why.”     What ever happened to investigation?

Tabitha:   What other explanation can there be?   The truck just flattened for seemingly no reason.   Nothing was near it.   There was no motive.

Club: That’s what we’re here to find out.   Something the scum kidnapper said might be the answer.     Tabitha, humor me.     Why don’t trucks float into the air normally?

Tabitha: Gravity of course.

Club:   And why can’t a truck float off into space?

Tabitha: Gravity again.

Club:   And what would happen if you put a truck on a planet that was 1,000 time the size or ours?

Tabitha:   I see where this is going.   It would flatten like a pancake, just as that truck did.   All because of gravity!

Club:   I’m no scientist.   But it seems to me, if the truck had a device installed that altered gravity:     You set the device too far one direction; it floats up into the air.   You set it too far the other way; it flattens like a pancake.   We have our answer, and it doesn’t involve magic students or acts of the Gods.   Both the truck in Backwoods and the one here had an anti-gravity device attached.   In both cases, the driver was fiddling with it and set it too high or too low by accident.

Vera:   Curt that’s wonderful.   You solved the case, in less than 9 hours from getting the assignment.

Club:   Hardly doll face.   We now know an anti-gravity device was installed in all five of these trucks, that accounts for these strange effects.   Six trucks, if you count the one that was trying to rescue the kidnapped girl.   But we don’t know who installed the devices.   Why would anyone make a major discovery like an anti-gravity device, and then hide the technology?   Why would they secretly install it in trucks?   What was their motive?   What was their purpose?   No, we have a lot of work to do before noon tomorrow.

Vera:   Where do we start boss?

Club:   Tabitha, give me details.   I assume the truck driver somehow accidentally found out that his truck had this gravity device attached.   Then he immediately headed to a bookstore.   Check the bookstore’s credit records.   What did he buy?   I’ll bet you a new music CD Tabitha it was books on gravity or electronic devices or how trucks work.

Tabitha:   I’m way ahead of you.   The bookstore’s security system is obsolete; it isn’t even a challenge to break into.   And it looks like I won that bet.   Look at this.   All he bought were travel guides.     Especially ones on vacations in Gate.   Aunt Vera, I’ve been wanting the CD “Fate`s Apostate Greatest Hits”, looks like you and Mr. Club will be getting it for me.

Club:   Let me sit and think about this.   Wait a minute.   Tabitha, if my chair is over here, and you’re sitting at my desk working your laptop, what are you sitting on?

Tabitha:   It’s no big thing.   I hated your chair.   You’re a very tall man and I’m just a short ten-year-old.   It just wasn’t working.   So I turned your trash bin upside down and I’ve been sitting on it.

Club:   You can’t do that.     That trashcan is made out of plastic; it can’t hold your weight for long …

(Tabitha makes a small scream and a crashing noise is heard).

Club:   What did I tell you:   The moral of this incident is: “If you can’t stand the seat, stay off the trash bin.”

Vera:   It’s OK dear.   You’re not hurt.   I’ll pull over the spare chair and we’ll put some phone books on it.

Club:   I got it.   We’ve been assuming all along that this was a local crime of some sort. Everything we’ve been investigating was in the Mana dimension.   But this truck driver found the device and immediately started looking into ways to go to other dimensions. Particularly Gate.   What if he realized this technology originated somewhere else?   In some other dimension?   These trucks don’t just move between cities, they’re loaded on boats and move between dimensions.   Any one of these trucks could have been in Gate in the last year.   Tabitha, expand your search.   Find anything unusual involving trucks in any dimension.   Focus on Gate to start with.

Narrator:   And as they work, let us hear from our sponsor:

(Kuat theme music plays in the background)

The Kuat Consortium.   You WILL buy our products.   You don’t want to get on our bad side.

Act 2:   Scene 11:

Narrator:   Act 2: Flying Around the Web of Worlds.

Narrator:   A few minutes later:

Club:   OK, what do you have Tabitha.

Tabitha:   A few things.   But there was only one crime involving a truck in Gate recently.     Kind of a weird one though, and I only got limited information, since it’s an open case, security is tighter.

Club:   Show me.

Tabitha:   Not much to show.   An unknown person hijacked a truck.   The truck was returning to base after a delivery, so supposedly it was empty.   If the police have a motive, they haven’t told the press about it.     Then soon after, another unknown person hijacked a car and right in the middle of traffic jumped from the car to the truck.   We don’t know if he was a member of the hijack team who was accidentally left behind or someone trying to stop the hijacking.

Club:   Anything that relates to this case?   Was the truck unusually heavy or did it fly?

Tabitha:   It definitely couldn’t fly.   Here’s the funny part.   Soon after the second man jumped onto the truck, the truck got onto a bridge.   Now here’s where we have more information.   Most bridges are wired with security cameras.   They take regular digital photos of the traffic every 15 seconds or so.     On a normal day, the photos are recycled and never even looked at.   But if there’s a crime or accident on the bridge, they save the photos for study or evidence, as they did in this case.   Here are three photos of the truck in question that were released to the press.   The first is when it first came on the bridge, the second has it about ¼ of the way across, and this last shows it just before it drifted off the side into the water.   That’s how I know it couldn’t fly; it went over the side and fell like a rock.   But some witnesses did say it blew up in mid air for some reason.

Club:   By Rainere.   Did you look at this last picture?   Tabitha, blow up the image of the truck’s cab.

Tabitha:   I know, the police noticed that also, as did the press.     The cab of the truck is empty.     The two men must have jumped out of the truck earlier.   With no one driving, it just drifted off the road off the bridge.   That doesn’t explain why it blew up, however.

Club:   But, look at this first picture.   The truck is in the middle lane of traffic.   However, in this last picture it’s clearly crossing lanes to get to the edge.   Look at its wheels in the last picture; they’re turned.   It couldn’t have drifted off the edge; it was purposely driven off the edge.

Vera:   But Curt, if no one’s in the cab, how could they have driven it at all?   And why hijack an empty truck just to run it off a bridge?

Club:   Isn’t it obvious?   First off, the only way to drive a truck with no one in it is by remote control.   The two hijackers got on board, installed a remote control device and probably some sort of bomb also.   Then they left the truck without being seen somehow, and used the remote control to drive the truck off the bridge and set off the explosives, thereby destroying the evidence of their crime.

Vera:   What crime?   Not the truck hijacking.   Sounds like there were enough witnesses so the police had all the evidence they needed.

Club:   What crime is obvious.   They stole something off the truck.   It had to be something small enough to carry when they jumped.   Which means it had nothing to do with any cargo on the truck.   You use semis to carry large things not small.   They wanted to be sure that no one found out what they stole.   So they needed the elaborate remote control and bomb to destroy the truck afterwards.

Vera: So you think this was a plot to steal an anti-gravity device that was secretly installed in the truck?

Club:   What I can’t figure is how they got out of the truck before it swan-dived.   Two people jumping off a moving truck in the middle of traffic is going to cause a lot of attention and a few accidents.     People saw them get onto the truck, but these photos show they weren’t on it when it fell.   How did they get off unseen?     Let me think about that...   Tabitha, any other stories about truck hijackings recently?

Tabitha: Well if you’re interested in the Republic of the West in Carrion, I could pass you about 100 stories in the past month.   Stories about truck hijackings and stories about marshals shooting hijackers and other criminals fill the papers out there.   Not so common elsewhere.   Here’s an interesting one, out of Dragon.   It keeps coming up, since it also involves flying, sort of.

Club:   OK.   Tell us the particulars.

Tabitha:   Not much to tell; this is also an open case so I don’t have much.   A train and a truck were traveling next to each other, both going at the same speed.   The passengers heard a gunfight and saw two men jump from the train to the truck.   The press thinks four men were trying to hijack the truck, and the guards on the truck fought back, killing two of the hijackers, all the evidence points that way including 2 dead bodies on the train.   Two hijackers got into the truck, but instead of stealing the truck, they climbed back on to the top of the truck, and both flew away.   Right after that, the truck blew up.   Why hijack a truck just to blow it up?   In any case, one of the passengers on the train took a photo of the hijackers flying off the truck just before it blew up.   Pretty grainy, but see for yourself.

Club:   By Rainere.   I don’t know the birdman, but his friend the Priman, I know him.   That’s Manta.   I’m sure of it.

Vera:   Curt, how can you be sure?     That picture is awful grainy.

Club:   I’m sure.   I know what Manta looks like.   I have five Manta cards in my collection of “Evil Villains of the Web” trading cards.   One of them is a limited edition one with a holographic background.   I traded a rare Mr. Bones and a Damien Gavalian for that one.

Vera:   So what is a criminal of Manta’s stature doing hijacking a truck?

Club: It must be something compelling to get Manta interested.   It has to be something small, small enough so that Manta and his birdman accomplice could carry it as they flew off the truck.     I don’t think there’s any question about what they stole.   See the picture; the birdman is carrying something wrapped in that old grungy coat.   They clearly attacked the truck to steal the anti-gravity device hidden on it, and then blew it up as a cover.   Just like the Gate hijacking.

(Noises of Club slapping his forehead).

Club:   That answers the mystery about how the Gate hijackers got off the truck unseen.   I’ve read everything I can about Manta; I’m something of a fan.   I don’t remember reading anything about him being able to fly.   So maybe he used the truck’s anti-gravity device to float away before the truck exploded.   If he could do that, so could the two Gate hijackers.   They stole the anti-gravity device off the truck, installed their remote control and explosives, and got off the truck unseen by using the anti-gravity device to fly off.   That’s why nobody saw them leave; no one looks up when driving, especially if they flew into the sun.

Vera:   Curt you’re just amazing.

Club:   Just simple deduction.   You put all the facts together and come up with the only logical conclusion.     I think with Manta being involved in a truck hijacking, we have all the evidence we need to show that this anti-gravity device exists.   What we still need is some evidence of why someone is putting these anti-gravity devices on trucks in secret.     Tabitha, any more flying truck stories from outside of Mana?

Tabitha:   Sort of, I think. This one took place a while ago in the south of the Veldt in Esper.   There was a primitive valley and the Kuat Consortium decided to modernize it by building a major dam.   Some local terrorists didn’t like modernization, and they tried to blow up the dam with a truck full of explosives.   Some of the news reports say they crashed the truck into the dam and others say the truck “flew” into the dam.   So I found a picture of the damage to the dam.   What do you think?

Club:   You’re right.   This explosion mark is a full 100 feet above ground level.   That truck had to be flying or floating to make the mark that high.   We have another flying truck.   I should get right to Esper and investigate it further.   Did they arrest any of the terrorists?   I’ll want to ask them what they know about this flying truck.

Tabitha:   Sorry, it isn’t that easy.   See, soon after this incident, the terrorists somehow convinced the native population that the dam was a giant monster that would eat their children or some such.   There was a full-scale native uprising.   The dam was destroyed along with all the modern improvements.   Kuat security, who were keeping peace in the valley, had to evacuate.   I guess this is just one story where the bad guys won.

Club:   Goma Pellets.   Those poor ignorant savages.   It’s a hard world out there I guess.   That means we hit one more dead end.   Tabitha, do you have anything else for me?

Tabitha:   Lots of stuff, but most of it probably won’t help much.   I do have a little prize for you that I was saving.   When you told me to expand my search outside the Tasnica Republic, I also expanded my search for that graffiti mark.   I’ve found it in at least three photos of buildings from Kohlingen in Light.

Club:   Excellent.   That means the truck floating in space was probably in Kohlingen when this kid marked it.     The graffiti would have been washed off the truck when it got to its final destination; so it must have floated off into space here in Mana somewhere before it finished its run.   If I can find the kid with the mark, I can trace when and where that was.   I also can find out what that strange quote from Shakespeare meant.     Tabitha, any of those 3 photos, did they have quotes with them?

Tabitha:   It’s hard to tell.   They’re all on buildings with a lot of graffiti on them.   So even the graffiti is covered with graffiti in places.   All I can see is just graffiti marks.   Unless you count the words on this photo?

Vera:   “Celpo is a real mother”.   No, I don’t think that counts as a quote.

Club:   We need to get to Kohlingen, find this graffiti artist, and ask him.   No time to book a commercial flight; only 14 hours to crack this case.   Vera, call my old friend Yolly.   Don’t try to engage him in conversation, he doesn’t speak common.   Just say, “Curt Club.   Kohlingen.   Now.   Money”.   He won’t understand the words, but he’ll get the intent.   I’ll gather up things, then we will rush to the Yolly’s hanger at the Egmont spaceport.     Tabitha, you stay here -- try to pull more stories about trucks.

Act 2:   Scene 12:

Narrator:   In almost no time at all, Curt Club Private eye and his secretary Vera arrive at Yolly’s hanger.

Yolly:   Yolly shuruba u theoba.   Curt bulaba rotopo gut sut Yammerame.

Club:   Good to see you to Yolly.

Yolly:   Gydoare u Qeritatag, ver pella cunderstank.

Club: Sorry to hear that Yolly.   But we’re in a hurry.   Have to get to Kohlingen quick.   Kohlingen Yolly!

Yolly:   Kohlingen.   Gursa sa.   Kohlingen.

Vera:   Did you understand any of that Curt?   What language is that?

Club:   I didn’t understand a word.   Yolly is like a walking Atlas, he doesn’t speak common, but he knows the names for every city and location in the entire web of worlds.   Name a place, and he’ll take you there for a price.   I have no idea what language he’s speaking or what he’s saying.   In fact, I don’t even know what species Yolly is or where he comes from.   He’s clearly not human, the tail and feelers prove that.

Vera:   You said he’d take us to Kohlingen.   Where’s his ship?

Club: Right there, in front of you.

Vera:   You’ve got to be kidding.   I thought that was a pile of spare parts.     What is that?   I recognize that thing on the side as a booster rocket, and that thing there is the bumper off a Kuat motor car.   That wheel is off a child’s bike. I’m not sure about the rest.

Club:   You missed the motor over there from a speedboat.   I have no idea why that’s there, maybe just in case this falls in an ocean somewhere.   The windshield is off a stromboine machine.   Yolly built this ship himself from spare parts he picked up in junkyards.   Somehow it does fly.   And it flies very fast.   Fast enough to outrun most police jets or military fighters.   I know. You see, since Yolly can’t speak common, he can’t file a flight plan with the authorities when he takes off.   So more often than not, the local military of wherever he’s going tries to shoot him down.

Vera:   Curt.   We really don’t have to get to Kohlingen that badly.   We can go back to your office and try to solve the case from there.   Or we can get seats on a commercial flight.   They leave quite often, and they have seats and peanuts and everything.   Curt…

Act 2:   Scene 13:

Narrator:   In an unbelievable short amount of time, Curt Club Private Eye finds himself in the Kohlingen Spaceport.

Yolly: Curt shogue u wheoable.

Club:   Yes Yolly.   Great trip as always.   You’re the master.

Yolly:   Uruala.   Rhynabue sur Vera.

Vera:   Curt wait a minute.   I need to catch my breath.   That couldn’t have been a direct route.   We did all those loops and turns.

Club:   I agree.   Yolly seems to know the short-cuts.   I think we were in Dragon there for a bit; it’s hard to tell.   You can’t get a good look at the scenery with all that spinning going on.

Vera:   OK.   I’ll recover eventually.   Where are we going now?

Club:   You’re going to wait right here for me while I do some legwork.   The areas where graffiti artists hang out aren’t safe for a dame like you.   In fact, it’s not safe for me either.   They hate cops there, and they don’t make any distinction between local dicks and private dicks.   I’m going undercover; hopefully I can find the kid we want fast.

Vera:   What cover are you using this time?

Club:   The simply ones are usually the best.   So I’ll use the old “Traveling Used Fish Salesman” cover.   (His voice gets slightly higher, more nasal, and faster)   A traveling salesman’s expected to ask a lot of questions, so no one gets suspicious.   Since no one actually wants to buy used fish, I don’t have to waste time with sales talk.     But, no one seems to question that someone else might buy used fish.   Maybe people just don’t want to think too hard about what you would do to transform a “new fish” into a “used fish”.

Vera:   But Curt.   Will you be safe?

Club:   (Back to his regular voice) Of course not.   If I cared about being safe, I wouldn’t be a private eye and I wouldn’t have hired Yolly as our transportation.   It’s a dirty dangerous job, but if I don’t do it, who’s going to defend good people from sinister flying truck plots.

Act 2:   Scene 14:

Narrator:   Vera and Yolly wait hour after hour for Curt to return.   Finally he does.

Club:   Miss me sweetheart?

Yolly:   Curt!   Busate u aboola.

Vera:   Curt, I was so worried.   Did you have any trouble?   Did you find the kid?

Club:   No trouble.   In fact, it seems like traveling used fish salesmen are deeply respected in Kohlingen.   Don’t ask me why or how, I just think they aren’t right in the head here.   I found the kid right away, or at least I found friends of his.   It seems there was a sudden epidemic of insanity here about a week ago.   That started a few riots. The kid (his name was Dusty) died in the riots.   I’m not sure of the details, but it involved a cow and a lot of whiskey.

Vera:   That’s terrible.   So this was a dead end after all.   I’m so sorry.

Club: Not completely.   According to his friends, he marked a truck just before he died, and he wrote something on it.   I traced the truck, and the trucking company said the driver took it out but never brought it back.   Get Tabitha on the phone.   Have her check for any trucks that were abandoned or stolen or in an accident about a week ago in this area.     See if she can get photos so we can see if Dusty’s mark is on them.

(Sounds of Vera dialing the phone):

Club:   So Vera, how did you get on with Yolly.

Vera:   Famously.   Yolly is a great listener.   And did you know that Yolly does impressions of all the leaders of the different countries in the web?     Yolly, do King Derik of Guardia for Curt.

Yolly:   (using a deeper broader voice):   Guardia eweot u yolanda ren towlond.

Act 2:   Scene 15:

Narrator:   Within only a few minutes, Tabitha calls Curt Club Private Eye back to tell him what she found.

Tabitha:   I found it.   A truck matching your description was found in the middle of a forest fire just outside of Kohlingen that same night.     It was totally burned out, but it was on its side, so the side that was on the ground wasn’t burnt, and luckily, that was the side with the graffiti marks on it.   You can clearly make out the JIP mark, and a quote.   It says, “No Tasnican shall be made slave” it’s the second Code of Belgemmemnon.   Why a street kid from Kohlingen is quoting the Code of Belgemmemnon, I have no idea.

Club:   But don’t you see.   It has to do with slavery.   And that Shakespeare quote:   “Ourselves to be the slaves of chance and flies Of every wind that blows.”   It mentions both slavery and flying.   Maybe we have stumbled into some sort of inter-web slave ring.

Tabitha:   That fits with one more strange fact:   The burnt-out truck was empty, no dead bodies thank goodness.   But the police found a slave crown, handcuffs, and other restraints in the truck.

Vera:   Curt, I know you’re the detective and I’m just the secretary.   But aren’t we a little far a-field here.   Just because this kid marked a truck that eventually ended up in outer space, doesn’t mean the kid knew anything about the anti-gravity device or the people who installed it.     Just because this kid seems fascinated with quotes about slavery, doesn’t mean slavery has anything to do with our current case.

Club: True Vera, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t a connection either.   A slim lead is better than no lead.   Tabitha, you still there?     See if there’s anything in the news recently about slavery and trucks.

Tabitha:   I don’t need a computer to tell you that.   Just a week ago, there was a big news story out of Zellis about a truck driver killing people in terrible ways along his route.   The police killed him in a shoot-out and barricade. They discovered his truck was full of slaves.   Wait, I’ll pull it up with pictures.

Vera:   Tabitha, you’re a ten-year-old.   What are you doing reading that type of story?

Tabitha:   Are you kidding?   When they have a sensational story like that, the local stations advertise it everywhere to get people to turn on the news that night.     I saw the commercials for the story when watching Saturday morning cartoons, including the photos of the grizzly killings.   Wait.   Here’s something interesting.   One of the police was interviewed and said the slaver’s truck ripped through the barricade like it was butter.   He’s quoted as saying that he thought the truck was full of lead to be that heavy, but when they opened it, it only had people inside.

Club:   What did I tell you; this is a clear connection.   The only way the truck could’ve crashed through that barricade is if it was unnaturally heavy.   That means it had one of these gravity devices.

Tabitha:   Here’s another connection.   In 2 of the 4 cases we had originally, witnesses mentioned seeing a girl in a red scarf, who disappeared leaving the scarf behind.   In this case, there was a passenger in the truck in a black robe.   When the police shot him, he disappeared leaving the robe.

Club:   That’s an awful big coincidence.   These cases are clearly connected, I just don’t know how yet.   Hell.   I would love to interview the cop in charge of that case, but it’s after midnight, and we can’t wait until the morning.   We just have no time.

Tabitha:   Wait Mr. Club.       I’m pulling up more stories here, and one of them mentions that the cop in charge is named Bronsky, and he works for the special crimes unit, which is open 24 hours.   There’s a 50/50 chance he’ll be there now.

Club:   OK Vera.   See if you can make an appointment for an hour from now.   Tabitha, stay on the phone.   I want you to give me every detail you can find on this case.   Then I want you to search for any insane people or behavior associated with trucks anywhere in the web.     Maybe that crazy epidemic that hit Kohlingen was somehow connected to all this also.

Vera: You’re doing great work Tabitha.   I’m very proud of you.

Tabitha:   I just hope you have a recipe for “Kupopolis Fried Cockatrice” Aunt Vera, because that’s my favorite dinner.   It’s looking more and more likely that you’ll be over to cook dinner for the whole family next week.

Club:   Yolly.   Hey Yolly!     We need to get to Zellis right now Yolly.   Zellis Yolly!   OK?

Yolly:   Curt shatrob u boelabug.   Yu Zellis!

Vera:   Curt, there are commercial flights to Zellis. Even at this time of night.   It’s on the same continent and everything.   We could even drive there.   In a car.   Curt…

Act 2:   Scene 16:

Narrator:   An hour later Curt Club Private Eye and Vera walk into to office of Detective Leo Bronsky, Special Crimes Unit of the Zellis Police force.

Bronsky:   I was told you represented Kuat Motors, is that correct?     What can the Zellis Police force do to help you?

Club:   My name is Curt Club and this is Vera, my secretary.   I’m a private eye, but I’m here doing some investigation for Kuat Motors.   I’d like to ask you some questions about a slaver case you worked last week.   I have reason to believe it’s related to an investigation I’m doing for Kuat Motors.

Bronsky:   I see.   Well I’m going to be honest with you Mr. Club.     A year ago, I was investigating a serial killer case.   Two private eyes show up, say they’re also investigating the same case, and could we cooperate.   I played it by the book, nothing against regs, but tried to cooperate where I could.   In this world, the good guys should stick together.   Turned out those two were sickos who like mutilating people.   The press got wind of the story and made us look like idiots for not arresting them first thing.   I nearly lost my job.   So excuse me if I don’t answer your questions.   If Kuat Motors needs information, they can submit a request through proper channels.   Goodbye.

(Sound of door slamming)

Vera:   That didn’t help much.

Club:   On the contrary, we just learned a lot.     He’s clearly running scared, and trying to cover up something.     I don’t think he’s on the take, not the type.   He stumbled onto something big and is out of his league.   Maybe there was something unusual about those slaves in the back of the truck.   Maybe he noticed there was something weird about how the truck crashed through the barricades and figured out about the gravity device.   Or maybe there was something written in the graffiti on the truck that scared him silly.

Vera:   What graffiti?

Club: Tabitha told me about it.   One picture of the truck breaking through the barricade clearly shows symbols or graffiti marks on the truck.   In photos taken afterwards, the truck was clean. The only possible explanation is the police cleaned all the graffiti off the truck before letting the press photographic it.   But Tabitha says the photos are just too grainy to get any clear read, even with enhancement software, so we might never know.   Let’s get back to the hanger before Yolly decides we don’t need him any more.

Vera:   Would that be such a bad thing Curt?   Curt, go on ahead and hail a cab, I’ll be right there.

(A haunting ethereal blues rift plays in the background)

Vera:   Hi.   By this time, you might be thinking that Curt is a bit crazy.   That isn’t true.   Curt is a very smart man and he does well for himself.   It’s just that Curt lives in a world where the simple answer is never correct, where everything is connected, and where there’s a dark web wide conspiracy around every corner.   Curt’s world is an exciting place where all problems can be solved with some legwork and a little deductive reasoning.

Vera:   And you’re wrong if you think Curt doesn’t treat me well. Yes, Curt is rude, rough, a little chauvinistic, and not a warm person.   But Curt is a noble man; he really wants to help people.   He’s a gentleman in his own crude way.   Curt would give his life for me and he’d never ever hurt me, even in anger.   (A little sound of sobbing in her voice).   That’s a lot better then all the other men I’ve known in my life.   And yes, I love him, very much.   (Forces her voice into control again)   There’s my little love confession for you.

(Music fades out).

Act 2:   Scene 17:

Narrator:   Curt Club Private Eye returns to the spaceport in Zellis and calls Tabitha for an update.

Club:   Hi Tabitha.   How you holding up?     Hopefully you’ve something for me.   We just ran out of leads here and we’re almost out of time.

Tabitha:   Oh, I think you’ll be very pleased.   I found you an interesting tidbit.

Club:   Excellent, but first.   Did my idea of tracing insane people connected with trucks pan out?

Tabitha:   No, not really.   There were lot of cases out of Kohlingen, but you know that.   Elsewhere in the web, not so many.   I found one case, for example a poor man named James.   The police picked him up ranting on the street.   Yelling he had to stop the trucks before the deadline, and “Celpo is Mother”.   They sent him off to the hospital for observation.     I doubt this is anything, no flying trucks, no heavy trucks, and nothing about slavery.

Club:   You never know.   If this thing is as big as I think it is, Celpo has to be investigating.   Maybe that’s the connection.     Anything else?

Tabitha:   A man in Narshe with a pink shirt who got in a gun fight with a bank guard for no reason, then ran instead of heading to a hospital.     The only connection between him and a truck is the coroner found chemical burn marks on his arms that suggest he had something to do with a truck full of chemicals that was set on fire earlier.

Club:   You’re right.   Not enough to work with.   Anything else?

Tabitha:   Last one.   A scientist in Olivawk turned in a police report saying a semi-truck he owned was stolen by Admiral Howe of the Grand Army.   That was crazy enough, since Admiral Howe died in a boating accident over a year ago.   But he claimed that he had rigged the truck up as a complex time travel device, and that Admiral Howe had stolen it because he was a member of a secret society of time travelers out to control the timestream.   They sent the scientist to the nearest hospital for tests.

Club:   OK, I know there are a lot of conspiracies out there, but that one is too crazy for even me to believe.   Well, not all leads pan out.

Tabitha:   Mr. Club, I have a question.   I don’t understand something about the slaver truck in Zellis.   All the articles on the case say that the truck probably came from off dimension?   How’s that possible?   How can you smuggle a truckload of slaves over the border or through a gate?   Don’t they search trucks coming through?

Club:   No.   They don’t search any truck.   It’s to problematic and time consuming.   Instead they w….     By Rainere Tabitha.   You solved it.     You found the connection.   You’re a genius.

Tabitha:   I did?   What did I say?

Club:   They don’t search trucks - they weigh them.   That’s standard procedure at every gate and border throughout the web, even key checkpoints on highways.

Vera:   I don’t get it.   What does weighing trucks do?

Club:   It’s simple.   If a truck’s scheduled to pass a border or check-point, when it’s loaded up, it’s sealed and then weighed by the people loading it.   The weight is recorded in the official manifest and wired electronically to every government on the route.   Once sealed, the truck’s never opened until it gets to its destination.   The driver has a key in case of emergencies, but if the truck is opened on route, even by the driver, an alarm goes off and the police are automatically notified.

Tabitha:   That’s why the people in the truck were locked in that whole time.

Club:   Exactly.   While the trucks are sealed and never opened until they get to their destination, they’re weighed at every border and checkpoint.   Electronic scales are imbedded in the roads, so the truck doesn’t even have to slow down much.   Then the weight at the checkpoint is compared to the manifest.   If the truck weights too little, it means someone somehow broke the seal and stole something.   In that case, they open up the truck, take inventory, and go after the thieves immediately.   If the truck weighs too much, it means someone is trying to smuggle something in the truck, and again it’s opened immediately and searched by the police.

Vera:   I get it now.   So if you had a way to make the truck heavier or lighter at will, you could smuggle anything you want in it or steal anything you want from it, and never get caught because the truck would always weight exactly the right amount.

Club:   Exactly.   If you could operate that anti-gravity device by remote control, and if you could bypass the truck’s alarm system, you could load it full of slaves or anything else you wanted to smuggle.   You wouldn’t even have to tell the driver.   If the weigh of his truck never changed, how would he know?

Vera:   Curt that’s wonderful. You’ve solved the case, and with only 8 hours to spare.   Enough time to take a commercial flight to Egmont and make your appointment at Consortium Tower.

Club:   We haven’t solved the case yet.   Though we’re getting a lot closer.   We don’t know who is doing all this, or why.   I wish I knew something more about this Dr Feelgood character, I have a hunch he’s the “Mr. Big” behind it all.

Tabitha:   Well why don’t you just ask Dr. Franklin?

Club & Vera:   Who’s Dr. Franklin?

Tabitha:   The tidbit I promised.   Most of the scientists who worked on that cloning thing with Dr. Feelgood have since died or just changed their name and disappeared.   The whole project got a lot of bad press.   But Dr. Franklin was in charge of the project – he’s still using that name and even publishing papers about cloning.   He’s something of a hermit.   He has a laboratory in the middle of nowhere south of the Verdi in the Esper Union.   He’s outside a village called Gutsburg.

Club:   That’s great.   Unfortunately, it’s 4 AM.   I can’t bust in on him at this time, and if we wait until morning, we’ll never meet our deadline.

Tabitha:   That’s OK.   You see in the papers he publishes, he includes his email address and IM handle.     I think the poor man’s starved for company.   So just out of curiosity I IMed him.   It turns out he’s an insomniac, he never sleeps, and he loves visitors.   I didn’t tell him why you wanted to speak with him, just you had some questions and he invited you to drop by any time.

Club:   Wonderful.   We’ll solve this yet.   Yolly!   Where did Yolly go?     Yolly!     Esper Yolly.   Gutsburg in South Verdi Yolly!

Vera:   Please Curt not again!!!

Narrator:   And as they fly off with Yolly to Esper, let us hear from our sponsor:

(Kuat theme music plays in the background)

The Kuat Consortium.   Hailed by every consumer advocate as the makers of the finest products in the web.   Every consumer advocate that wants to stay in the land of the living that is.

Act 3:   Scene 18:

Narrator:   Act 3:   Truck Routes of the Undead.

Narrator:   Within an hour, Curt Club Private Eye and Vera are in rented car driving up a treacherous mountain road while a terrible storm thunders around them.

(Noises of rain and thunder continue this whole scene, as well as the sound of a noisy car engine)

Club:   Too bad Yolly couldn’t find anywhere to land on that desolate mountain top; it would have saved us a lot of time.   Time is in short supply of now.

Vera:   Lucky the Gutsburg “Rent-a-Wreck” was still open.   I can’t imagine that they get much business in such a quiet country village.

Club:   I don’t think they were still open.   But when something like Yolly’s ship lands in your parking lot, you tend to wake up.   Are we heading the right way?   I can barely see anything in this rain.

(Noise of angry voices in the distance are mingled with the sounds of the storm)

Vera:   Curt STOP!     There seems to be a mob of angry villagers in front of us with torches and pitchforks.     They seem to be heading up this same road.   I wonder how they’re keeping those torches lit in all this rain?

Club:   Just our luck.   We’ll never solve this case on time if we have to wait for this mob to finish their business with Dr. Franklin first.

Vera:   Oh look.   It’s OK.   They’re taking the left fork up ahead.   The old Gypsy women running the Rent-a-Wreck said we should take the right fork.   They must be heading for the castle on the next desolate mountaintop over.

Club:   Good, let’s hope this is the last angry mob we see on this road.

Act 3:   Scene 19:

Narrator:   Curt Club Private Eye makes it to the Castle laboratory of Dr. Franklin on its desolate mountaintop without other incident.   They’re immediately escorted into Dr. Franklin’s private study.

(The muted sounds of rain and thunder are still heard in the background)

Egor:   Masster.     Masster we have vissitors.   Mr. Club and Mss. Vera Masster.

Dr. Franklin:   Wonderful Egor.   You need to go feed the dragon/naked mole rat hybrid clone.   And please make sure it doesn’t breathe on anything flammable this time.       Mr. Club, Ms Vera.     I’m so happy that you decided to visit us.   I’m Dr. Pinkerton W Franklin, PhD, but my friends call me “Pinky”.   We have so few visitors way up here.     Would you like some tea?   Did you have any trouble getting up the road in this violent storm?

Club:   Thank you Dr. Franklin for seeing us at such short notice.   And no.   We had no trouble on the road.   Though I must say it was quite a shock when your servant answered the door.

Dr. Franklin:   Yes.   Yes.   I realize that a hunchbacked dwarf with a deformed face takes some getting used to.   I hope he didn’t scare you too much.     He’s really a gentle soul.

Club:   I don’t care about the hunchback or the face.   I see far worse then that regularly in the gutters of Egmont.   What startled me was that fairy princess outfit he was wearing.

Dr. Franklin: Yes.   I’m sorry.   Egor likes to dress up and has some gender identification issues.   To be honest, I don’t even notice anymore.     Though even I shudder when he starts singing, “I feel pretty”.   Your young assistant said you had questions for me?   May I ask if you’re with the press or are you a fellow scientist?

Club:   No.   I’m a private eye investigating a case for Kuat Motors.     We would like to ask you about a former colleague of yours, a man who goes by the alias of Dr. Clone or Dr. Feelgood.

Dr. Franklin:   Oh dear.   Oh deary dear.   I didn’t realize.   Well I did know Brian at one time but I haven’t seen him in over 13 years.   However, I’m afraid I don’t feel it would be ethical to tell you more.   It would be like tattle-telling.   You must understand.   I’m sorry you came all the way up here for nothing.

Club:   I noticed that your neighbor is having visitors tonight.   Quite a crowd.

Dr. Franklin:   Yes.   She’s a very nice vampire named Contessa Jasmina du Cire. A lovely women.   Between angry villagers and vampire hunters, she seems to always have people over.

Club:   They’re being very noisy.   And with the storm and us being so isolated here.   I bet if I shot six bullets into your leg, that your screams of agonizing pain would go completely unnoticed.

Dr. Franklin:   My. You do give a very persuasive argument.   And it’s not as if I know anything that personal about Brian.   After all, I haven’t seen him in 13 years.     So let’s do it this way:   I tell you everything I can, and you promise to leave my name out of any reports you make.   I won’t want to get Brian angry with me.   He has something of a sadistic temper.

Club:   Fine.   So give me an overview.   Who is this Dr. Feelgood?   What’s he into? How do you know him?

Dr. Franklin:   Oh, I just love reminiscing.   Brian and I were good friends once, Brian Snodgrass is his real name; you can understand why he uses aliases.   We met at the “Mad Scientists Society”, that’s a secret society for scientists.

Club:   Did you call your group “Mad Scientists” because you were very angry or because you were a few cherries short of a fruit salad?

Dr. Franklin: Actually, we were a large group and imagined ourselves as very hip.   Someone told us that “mad scientists” was a hip way of saying “a lot of scientists”.   But to tell the truth, a number of our members felt that the limits of reality were purely optional.     Mostly the society was just an excuse to get together, outrageously stretch the truth, and get drunk.   Brian, I, and our friend Dr. Aaron Coral would often go out after meetings totally wasted.   We would try to start up feedback loops in a particle accelerator hoping to mutate the structure of the time/space continuum.   We were a fun group.

Club:   Tell me more about Brian.

Dr. Franklin:   Brian was very rich; he had invented all sorts of useful things that were very profitable.   However, he was obsessed with taking over the web of worlds.   I’d say, “What do you want to do tonight Brian”, and he’d always answer, “What I do every night, Pinky!   Try to take over the web of worlds”.     I let him help me out with my little cloning business, but mostly he was just interested in using my equipment to make a million clones of Celiose Cole so he could use them as an army to take over the web or worlds.   Then he got into his illegal drug business.   His plan was to invent a highly addictive but enjoyable drug and sell it all over the web at cost.   He would wait until 15% of the population were addicted, then he’d cut everyone off cold turkey unless they joined his army to take over the web of worlds.   You get the idea.   The man was obsessed.

Club:   Do you know what he’s doing now?

Dr. Franklin:   Probably trying to take over the web of worlds.   How and where I haven’t the foggiest.   When the Nikeah police closed down his drug business, he got hired by Forge Mechanicals to work in a research laboratory in Longman.   I’m sure it was all part of his next plan to take over the web of worlds.   But that was 13 years ago.   I’m sure he has tried and failed in a number of different plans in that time.

Club:   Has he done any work with anti-gravity devices?

Dr. Franklin:   Not while I was with him.   But I wouldn’t put it past him; he never stuck with one field of study for long.

Club:   Is there anyone who would know more?   Does he have any other friends or associates that you know about?   Any family?

Dr. Franklin:   Not that I know of.   He was kicked out of the “Mad Scientists Society”; one of his plots to take over the web of worlds involved transforming all the members into 50-foot penguins.   They weren’t amused.   There was one young kid he said was his son, but I think he was just bragging.   The kid was the son of someone he knew in high school, he claimed he was dating her 9 months before the boy was born, but since I have never seen him with a girl ever, I think it was all in his head.   The boy’s name is Mack, but I don’t know his last name.   Brian had me hire him as a driver for the cloning business, and then Brian got him to work at his drug operation.   My guess is Brian would try to get him involved with any new plot he had cooking.   But I hope the boy has smartened up by now.

Club:   What else can you tell me about this Mack?

Dr. Franklin:   Not much.   Nice boy, in a punk sort of way.   Looked Xsian, nothing like Brian at all.   Loved to drive trucks but had difficulty getting jobs because he was blind in one eye.   Always wore an eye-patch with a rhinestone skull on it.   I don’t think he liked the drug work Brian gave him, but his wife was pregnant and he needed the money.   Soon after the Nikeah police closed down Brian’s drug operation, Mack tried to rob a store of some sort, and then just disappeared.   No wonder, a cop was crippled by accident when they tried to arrest Mack and he’d have faced some serious charges.   That’s all I know.

Club:   Well thank you.   That was very helpful.   I’m sorry for being abrupt, but I’m on a very tight deadline.   We can let ourselves out; I’ll sleep better tonight if I don’t see your servant Egor again.

Act 3:   Scene 20:

Narrator:   Curt Club Private Eye and Vera drove down the treacherous mountain road, being careful not to run over any of the terrified fleeing survivors of the previous angry mob.

Club:   Finally, we’re getting somewhere.   Vera, get Tabitha on the phone and fill her in on all the details.   Tell her to look for any information concerning Forge research facility in Longman.   Look for any recent stories involving trucks, and any research they’re doing with anti-gravity or building armies to take over the web.   That sort of thing.

Vera:   Are we going to Longman now Curt?

Club:   Wouldn’t do any good.   They’re tight on company secrets, so they wouldn’t answer any direct questions.   Mentioning Kuat Motors wouldn’t help me at all there.   Setting up a reasonable cover story to go undercover would take too long.   Hopefully Tabitha can find enough information from her sources. Also, tell her to try to find information on this Mack person and anything on Brian Snodgrass.

Club:   I wonder.   Dr. Franklin was wearing a pink shirt.   A good color on him.   Tabitha mentioned that a loony in Narshe wearing a pink shirt was trying to burn trucks.   I wonder if there’s a connection.   We should look into that also.

Act 3:   Scene 21:

Narrator:   The rain finally stopped as Curt Club Private Eye got back to Yolly’s ship.

Yolly:   Curt!   Busate u aboola.   Histon buruab.

Club:   I’m glad to see you to Yolly.     Vera, get Tabitha on the phone.   OK Tabitha; amaze me with what you have!

Tabitha:   I have an awful lot.   It will take weeks to read it all.   Longman was into research on practically everything.   They had a truck division, so they were always making innovations to trucking.   But anti-gravity or gravity research never came up.   Nor did slavery.   There’s a recent story, got a lot of press, and it is being equated to slavery.

Club:   Tell me about it.

Tabitha: Recently it seems they reanimated the nerve cells of a dead girl and tried to use them in the guidance system of one of their trucks.   The girl seemed to recover her full memory and personality after some time, and tried to escape to see her mother.   It was very sad.   Forge claims they didn’t do it, and don’t even have the technology.

Club:   By Rainere.   I can believe they didn’t do it, because if they had that type of technology they would be the richest corporation in the web by now.   Nerve cells are the most complex and delicate cells in the human body.   If you could reanimate nerve cells, you could reanimate anything.   Think of how much money they could make if they told a grieving father or husband that they could reanimate their dead loved one, personality, memories, everything.   The fact that it was illegal, or that the loved one would become a cyborg would make no difference to the bereaved.   Most people who are dying of an incurable disease would give up everything they owned for that chance at being reanimated.   With that type of technology, the sky would be the limit.

Vera:   So you think this might be related Curt?

Club:   It’s a certainty.   Here’s Dr. Feelgood obsessing with taking over the web of worlds.   Such an endeavor would take an army of millions.   And the cost of that sort of operation would be enormous.   So now, we find that some scientist in the truck division at Forge where he once worked has technology that can be used to give him an unlimited source of income.

Vera:   I don’t get it.   If they had this marvelous technology, why risk everything by using it for something as mundane as a truck guidance system.   It’s crazy.

Club:   My guess is that was just an early experiment that they forgot to eliminate.   They perfected the technology in the Forge research labs, but they had to pretend they were doing something for Forge as a cover story.   They pretended to be studying human nerve cells with the excuse of improving the AI of the truck guidance system.   But they were really perfecting their reanimation processes.   By accident, some of their reanimated cells got into a real truck’s guidance system.

Vera: OK, but what does that have to do with slavery?

Club:   Everything.   That’s the whole plan.   To take over the web of worlds Dr. Feelgood had to have an enormous army, and that’s hard to come by.   Cloning didn’t work; using drugs to recruit didn’t work.   Maybe reanimating dead bodies to make the army did work.   That’s probably what scared Bronsky so much.   He found out that the slaves in the back of that truck were all people who had been dead.

Vera:   Isn’t that a lot of conjecture based on one news story?

Club: But don’t you see; it all fits together.   Dr. Feelgood wants to take over the web of worlds.   To do that he needs an army.   The reanimation process gives him slaves to use as an army, slaves who will never be missed.   The reanimation process also gives him an unlimited income source to pay for it all.   But he needs a way to move his slaves from all over the web to his staging area.   And he needs a way to move a lot of supplies to that same staging area.     We’re talking about the largest army in history here.   The anti-gravity devices in the trucks give him that.

Vera:   I’m not sure.   You know best boss.   So we can fly home, write it up, and just make the 12 noon deadline.

Club:   Not quite.   We can’t prove any of this without knowing where he’s training and keeping his army.     Our best lead is that boy “Mack”.   I’ll bet he’s somewhere near the staging area.     Anything on him Tabitha?

Tabitha:   Not much new.   The police didn’t even have a name on him, but they did have an APB on a truck driver with a rhinestone skull in his eye-patch.   There’s a cop in Narshe – Conrad Guster who spent the last 12 years looking for the kid.   I’m amazed they didn’t find him, it’s like he was wearing a sign telling everyone who he was.

Club:   Exactly.   So the kid got rid of that eye-patch one minute after he got away.   Wearing it ever again would be like having a death wish.   But maybe we can find out more about where he went by talking to this cop – Guster.     Tabitha, keep up the good work.   Yolly, we need to get to Narshe fast.   Narshe Yolly!

Vera:   I should tell Great-Grandma Nu about Yolly’s ship.   It’s a much better torture device than 100 verses of “It’s a small web after all”.

Act 3:   Scene 22:

Narrator:   Within minutes, Curt Club Private Eye is in the offices the Narshe police force.

Guster:   You caught me before I went on duty.     Is there something I can help you with?

Club:   Let me be blunt because I’m working on a very tight deadline.   I’m investigating a case for Kuat Motors and we have reason to believe that a drub dealer by the name of Dr. Feelgood was involved, as well as a one-eyed truck driver with a skull eyepatch by the name of Mack.     Is there anything you can tell me about the location of this truck driver?

Guster:   Sorry nothing.   I searched for him for 12 years.   That part of my life is over and I’d rather forget it.   So if you’ll excuse me.

Club:   Just a minute.   Did you ever get close, did you ever catch sight of him.   Any clues or leads that you didn’t follow up on yet?

Guster:   No. Nothing.   I never saw that kid again.   Never.   Every lead I chased down turned out to be false.

Club:   I’m sorry if it’s a painful memory.     At least you got to see a lot of the web while looking.

Guster:   No, I mainly stayed in Esper.   Esper is plenty big enough; I didn’t have any reason to search anywhere else.   We had no evidence that he left this world at all.   Near the end, I did travel to the Republic of the West.   Lots of criminals hide out there.   It was just a last desperate move, it wasn’t a pleasure trip, and I didn’t see much.

Club:   Thanks.   We appreciate it.

Guster:   I don’t know why.   I didn’t tell you anything.   Now I have to get on duty.   Goodbye.

(Door slam)

Vera:   I’m tempted to say that got us nowhere, but I don’t like the look in your eye.   What did you see that I didn’t?

Club:   That man has no poker face.   None at all.   Most of what he told us was the truth, but he was clearly lying when he said he never saw the kid again.   He saw the kid, no question.   And he wasn’t even surprised when I told him the kid’s name was Mack; according to Tabitha, the police never had a name for him.   So the question is: If he found him, why didn’t he arrest him?

Vera:   It was 13 years ago, and the kid only hurt that cop by accident.     Maybe he just decided to show some mercy.

Club:   I don’t buy it.   He spent 12 years of his life looking for that kid, that type of obsession you don’t just throw aside no matter how noble the cause.   Human beings just don’t have that much nobility in them.   If he didn’t arrest the kid when he saw him, it was because he felt it wasn’t possible to do so.   Maybe because the kid was being backed up by an army of a million reanimated slaves?

Vera:   I still vote for nobility.   It hides in the strangest places.   But either way, what good does knowing he is lying do us.

Club:   Because after searching for the kid in Esper for 12 years, it isn’t likely that he just ran into him by accident.   He must have found the kid in the last place he looked, and then gave up when he knew he could never arrest him.   He just said that the last place he looked was the Republic of the West.   That’s where Dr. Feelgood has hidden his army of reanimated slaves.   I’m sure of it.

Vera:   So are we going to Carrion now?   I don’t think we have time.

Club:   No time at all.   We’ll just have to crack the final details of this case in my office back in Egmont.

Act 3:   Scene 23:

Narrator:   Curt Club, Private Eye’s returns to his seedy office back in Egmont.

Vera:   Are you OK Tabitha?   You’ve been awake for an awful long time.     I worry about you.

Tabitha:   I’m fine.   It’s like staying up for a sleep over.   I’ll drop like a stone any minute now.   You don’t look so good, are you OK?

Vera:   I’ll be fine.   I took catnaps in our last few cab rides to and from spaceports.   But on the way here, I had the strangest dream.   I dreamt there were three friends looking for something: One was just a kid, another looked like Sonic the hedgehog with the head of mega man X, and the last was a giant talking basketball that sort of looked like Kirby.   There was also a narrator who kept trying to set the basketball on fire.   Weird wasn’t it?

Club:   Normally I’d say a little too weird.   Sounds like something only a very sick mind would come up with.   But nightmares are like that.   And after watching the dancing singing Moogle Ninja’s last night, I’d be surprised if you weren’t having nightmares.   I’ll still need you to type up my report, but I’ll do the meeting at Kuat by myself and let you sleep.   Let’s work fast.   We have less than 2 hours left.   Tabitha, do you have anything new for me?

Tabitha:   I have too much for you, I’m afraid.   Truck hijackings happen all the time in the West.   There are hundreds of stories.   And it’s a big place with poor communication, so details are vague.

Club:   But that’s why I’m so sure I’m right on this.   This is a huge operation.   Millions of slave solders take an enormous amount of supplies.   The Republic of the West is the only place that much activity could go unnoticed.   Hijackers stop a truck convoy by picking off one truck, the convoy stops to regroup, and the guards pursue the hijackers.   So in all the confusion, no one notices as a second group of hijackers unloads all the supplies from all the other trucks.   The trucks don’t change in weight and don’t have any of their regular cargo missing, so no one suspects a thing.   Therefore, we’re looking for a big operation with many men working together.   Tabitha, who is the biggest group of truck hijackers.

Tabitha:   Well these articles usual describe Eagle Sharpe’s gang that way, but …

Club:   EAGLE Sharpe!   Here we’re investigating flying trucks and the head truck hijacker is named Eagle?     Could they make this more obvious for us?

Tabitha:   But the only problem is Eagle Sharpe is dead.   He was shot about a year ago.

Club:   That means nothing, since they can reanimate bodies.   It just means he’s taking a lower profile.   Just out of curiosity.   How did he die?

Tabitha:   It was some sort of sharp-shooting contest.   People take turns standing in front of each other and shooting.   I know.   It sounds insane.   But that’s what the papers say.

Club:   You’re right.   Totally insane.   And it’s more proof that all my deductions are correct.   The only reason a sane man would do that is if he knew he could be reanimated after he was shot.   I’m surprised the local police or the marshals didn’t shut the whole thing down.   After all, everyone involved isn’t only crazy, they’re all also accomplices to murder.

Tabitha:   That’s the funny part; the local sheriff and a marshal were two contestants.

Club:   OK.   That makes no sense.   They had to know that even if they survived or were reanimated, they would be fired on the spot for such obvious criminal behavior.   Clearly, the Marshal was in on the whole thing and knew about the reanimation afterwards.   He joined in because he wanted to disappear.   No one will go looking for a dead guy.   So who’s this crooked Marshal?

Tabitha:   I have his obituary and picture right here.   He’s called Marshal Tooms, but his nickname is One-Eyed-Jack, because he would wear a fancy eye-patch with a spade on it.

Club:   That’s it.   We have found Mack the truck driver.   Look at it this way, the average Joe with one eye hides the fact as much as possible.   Just simple vanity.   But this Mack kid called attention to his handicap, even though it made it difficult for him to find work.   That’s, shall we say, a “unique eccentricity”.     Now he disappears, and this Marshal Tooms appears, also one-eyed, and with the same unique eccentricity.   The obvious answer is Marshal Tooms is Mack the truck driver.   He’s still working with Dr. Feelgood to help him assemble his army to take over the web of worlds.   Who better a recruiter then a Marshal?   He not only can help cover up the activities, but by shooting every criminal he can find, he’s supplying them with bodies to reanimate and enslave.

Vera:   It actually makes sense. Sort of.   But I thought Mack the Driver was Xsian.   This picture of Marshal Tooms doesn’t look Xsian?

Club:   He was hiding from the law; he would try to change his appearance somewhat.   And Dr. Franklyn didn’t say Mack was Xsian, just that he looked Xsian.   Look at that grizzled face on Marshal Tooms, he might look Xsian at the right angle.

Vera:   But if everything was working so well, why did they all kill themselves?   Yes, they’re reanimated not dead, but they have to stay hidden now or call attention to the whole scheme.

Club:   The answer to that is Officer Conrad Guster.   The one man who would recognize Mack even in his Marshal Tooms disguise and want to turn him in.   He came to the Republic of the West as a long shot.     The first thing he’d do was check in with the local authorities to ask for help.     He found himself face to face with Mack the truck driver pretending to be Marshal Tooms.   Marshal Tooms can’t just kill him, that would look way to suspicious.   So instead, he convinces Guster that no one would believe him, that their operation was too large and powerful to fight, and he probably threatened his family.   So Guster goes home without talking.     But Guster might still get drunk and talk, so Marshal Tooms has to die to cover his tracks.   It’s so simple.

Vera:   Curt, you’re amazing.

Club:   Tabitha, just one last thing.   Who sponsored this contest and who won?   They are both clearly in on all this.

Tabitha:   The winner is someone named Fasthand.   He is currently a contestant in the Robot Tourney, and one of the favorites to win.   The sponsor was a real estate agent called Blackmoor.   Quite a wealthy one.   I know this because he was shot right after the contest.   I have his obituary here.   It seems he owned a major portion of the Republic of the West personally.

Club:   And that’s our final piece of the puzzle.   If Dr. Feelgood wanted an army of millions of reanimated slaves, he needed land to house them and train them.   A huge amount of land, in an area where few people go and no one will stubble over them by accident.   So this Blackmoor had the job to buy up enough land for a large city and large buffer zones, financed by Dr. Feelgood.   After all, a Real Estate agent who buys land but doesn’t use it for anything and doesn’t sell it again will run out of money very fast.   So Blackmoor needed an unlimited source of cash flow, which is what Dr. Feelgood and his reanimation business had.     So that land is where we’ll find Dr. Feelgood’s army.   The case is solved.

Vera:   And none to soon, I have only 75 minutes to type all this up and make it professional looking. By the way Curt, amazing work!

Tabitha:   Aunt Vera.   I think you’ve convinced me to believe in miracles. I’ll start researching recipes for Guardian lasagna.   Now what can I do to help?

Club:   I just hope we haven’t discovered this too late.   Dr. Feelgood was obviously in outer space setting up the space force for his army.   They will need that also if they’re taking over the web of worlds.   Given how crazy he is, his space fleet might all be semi trucks with anti-gravity propulsion.   Fasthand is probably in charge of their battle robot forces.     Given that Marshal Tooms, Blackmoor, and Eagle Sharpe all were able to drop out of circulation, that means their part of the plan was already in place.   Dr. Feelgood is probably reanimated by now, and for all we know, they plan to start the final attack any day now.

Narrator:   While they all three rush to create the report, let me say something:

(A haunting ethereal blues rift plays in the background)

Narrator:   You might have noticed that this little radio play of ours mostly followed the point of view of Curt Club and Vera together, but a few times we only see only Curt Club’s point of view, and other’s only Vera’s.   I also have an occasional editorial comment, and Curt Club, Vera, and I each get to do a personal soliloquy.   Therefore, this play had the exclusive use of three different perspectives.   In it we get to see 3 generations of Vera’s family, the story took place in 3 different dimensions, and it’s a 3-act play.   Maybe some of Curt Club is running off on me, but all these 3s seem to be part of some underlying sinister conspiracy.   Just thought I’d point that out.

(Music fades out).

Act 3:   Scene 24

Narrator:     At 11:50AM, Curt Club private eye returns to the elegant branch offices of Kuat Motors in the Consortium Towers.

Kuat Executive:   This is wonderful.   I love all the graphs and timelines, and all the news photos supporting your conclusions.   According to this, you only go back into Egmont 2 hours ago.   How did you get all this typed up so fast?

Club:   My secretary Vera is a very fast typist.

Kuat Executive:   Wonderful.   Just a little bureaucratic red tape and we can conclude this.   First off, we prefer you make travel arrangement through the corporate travel agent, but I understand the need for speed, so I’ll approve all these travel costs.   Though I can’t accept this receipt, I don’t know what language it’s in and none of our software can translate it.

Club:   That was my fault.   My secretary made an educated guess at a translation and included it.   Here it is.   The two were suppose to be stabled together.

(Sound of a stapler)

Kuat Executive:   In that case, I think we can bend the rules on that one.   After all, we can’t prove your secretary’s translation isn’t correct.   The next problem is our financial department needs to approve all out of pocket expenses, and we have nothing in our procedures manual that even comes close to “26 Moogle Ninjas for capturing and torturing 2 kidnappers”.

Club:   They were a necessary expense, and we got an enormous discount on their services.

Kuat Executive:   Kuat Motors appreciates that.   Can we reword this invoice to read “26 Research Assistants, to find and question 2 subject experts”?

Club:   Whatever makes your financial people happy is fine with me.

Kuat Executive:   Excellent.   Please initial the changes here and here, and I’ll submit this immediately.   The next problem is your report is very complete and detailed.   I have to present this to upper management, and executives in large corporations are sometimes like pre-school children.   They have short attention spans and too much detail make them cranky.   Therefore, with your approval I’ll add a one page Executive Summary to your report.   Would that be all right?

Club:   Completely.

Kuat Executive: Let’s just say “In summary:   Intensive research was done over the entire web of worlds.   This included input from a number of sources including several law enforcement agencies.     The conclusion is that the strange floating behavior of the trucks has nothing to do with the engine design or the magitek fuel used.”   Does that meet with your approval?

Club:   Absolutely.

Kuat Executive:   I’ll have my assistant type up that page for the beginning.   Then she’ll put a section header labeled “Appendix” in front of the rest of your report so the executives and union leaders will know that reading it is optional.   We’re done.   Here’s your check Mr. Club.   And we’ll definitely be calling on you for help again.   Thank you.

Narrator: And another case is solved by Curt Club private eye.   Within the week, young Tabitha will help her mother cook a Guardian lasagna dinner for her favorite Aunt Vera.

Narrator:   WKUP in Egmont Thanks you for listening to "Curt Club Private Eye - The Case of the Flying Trucks".

(Kuat theme music plays in the background)

Narrator: This show was brought to you by the Kuat Consortium.   We are the biggest, don`t you want to be a part of that?

(Music fades)