Fish Out of Water
A Play in Three Acts
With appropriate credits to Jipster and Charles Dickens

Dramatic Personae
Havisham – sentient of Fate
Cristóbal Sciabola – young Priman, freshman fencing student*
Handel – freshman dimensional theorist
Cassandra – freshman fencing student
Lucinda – Truce College fencing instructor
Gurukama – President of Primma Kappa Rho, Truce Chapter*
Tripplefin – third year Primma Kappa Rho*
Dean Solomon – Truce College Administrator

Scene: Truce College and surrounding environs.
*Must be played by Primans or suitably costumed as such.   The remainder of the cast is human.

Act I

Scene 1
Scene: Bare stage before a mural of rolling hills and a few scattered lofty pines.   In the distance of the mural there are large brick buildings, many with spiraling towers and high domes.   A banner hangs from the closest building in the mural, reading, “Truce College Welcomes the Class of ‘28”.   The first day of a new semester is beginning.

HAVISHAM is on the stage as the curtain rises.

Havisham.   At Truce College, the number of dimensional theory students is ten times the number of fencing students.   There are six times as many college administrators as there are tenured faculty, twenty-six times as many students hooked on mind-oscillating drugs as there campus police, and two females sexually assaulted for every one new member of a   fraternal organization.   Each semester, without fail, there are no less than two suicides.   One student in eight will not finish the first semester, for any number of reasons.

At Truce College, there are two humans or more for every other individual race.   At Truce College there are philosophies suited for every way of life, radicals from all extremes, and the campus-sanctioned mottos, “Through Diversity Comes Strength,” and “Unity of One.”

Truce College is a second home to me.   It may be the pulsing inquiry of the dimensional theorists and their plodding students, or the heavy passion of the fencers, or the grand hypocrisy of the administrators and their precious numbers.   Fate lives among the students and faculty of Truce College, between those who follow it blindly and those who use phantom theories to destroy it.   Fate lives between the pregnant wishes of the living, and the lingering wishes of the dead.

Exit HAVISHAM.   The mural rises.   The scene is a fencing class exhibition.   There is a mat at center stage, and small benches stage left and right.   Students mill about.   CRISTOBAL is fencing with the instructor, LUCINDA.   CRISTOBAL is of a modest height, with silver scales.   His clothing is unimportant, except for the miniature abacus he wears at his belt.   Among the students, HANDEL, CASSANDRA, and GURUKAMA are watching the fight.

Lucinda.   Forward, back, parry—careful of your feet.

Cristóbal.   I knew this stuff before I learned to swim.

Lucinda.   Do as you’re told, young fish!

Cristóbal.   Yes, ma’am.

Lucinda.   Do you always favor your left side so?

Cristóbal.   Only when I’m holding back to keep from embarrassing my instructors.

Lucinda.   Your cockiness is a match for your imbalance and clumsiness.   Try a student who’s less forgiving than me.   Cassandra!   Give the silver fish here a few pointers!

Exit LUCINDA.   CASSANDRA takes position opposite CRISTOBAL.

Cristóbal.   I salute you!

They spar.

Cassandra.   Are all Primans like you?

Cristóbal.   The better ones are.

Cassandra.   Bah.   You’re timing isn’t quite right—how do you manage to stay so arrogant?

Cristóbal.   Stop by my room tonight and I’ll show you.

CRISTOBAL scores a point.

Cassandra.   I think I’ll be spending my time in the human dorms, thanks.

Cristóbal.   But what about our campus creed—“Diversity in your head leads to perversity in your bed?”

Cassandra.   You made that up—and it’s backwards besides.

CASSANDRA scores a point

Cristóbal.   I think you need some lessons in racial harmony, girlfriend.   My roommate is pure human, and we get along fine--see, here he comes now.

HANDEL approaches from the stands, smiling.

Handel.   Good show, Cris!   I never thought you could swing those things so fast and not hurt anybody.   Can you see your opponent’s strike before it hits?   How far ahead can you see it?

Cristóbal.   This isn’t chess, Handel.

Cassandra.   Aren’t you going to introduce me to your roommate, Priman?

Cristóbal.   So you two can run off and make fleshy pink babies?   I think not.   I might draw your attention to the utility of scales, Cassie.   Think about it—your illegitimate children would be the coolest kids on their block with some scales.   Hmm..?   No?   Fine.   Handel, Cassandra.   Cassandra, Handel.

Cassandra.   Go to meet you.   You’re not in fencing, I take it.

Handel.   Oh my, no.   I’m just starting in—

Cassandra.   Dimensional Theory, I guess.   The only two majors this school seems proud to have.

Cristóbal.   The education majors hold the records for highest grade point.

Handel.   That’s a mark of shame more than anything else.

Cristóbal.   Watch it, roomie.   I was thinking of minoring in education.   In case my fencing career doesn’t take off.

Cassandra.   So when you’re not hitting on your female students you’ll be endlessly lecturing them about diversity.

Handel.   That’s just his way—Cris will hit on anything that moves.   Speaking of which… Cassandra, might you be interested in joining me for lunch?

Cassandra.   I’d be delighted, friend Handel.

Cristóbal.   You scoundrels.   Everyone knows that a guy doesn’t go after his roomie’s marks.

Handel.   Sorry, Cris.   You have to admit that we’re more compatible, anyway.   See you for dinner.

HANDEL leaves with CASSANDRA.   CRISTOBAL stands alone.   The crowd of students behind him thins, and takes a few practice steps, swinging his foil.   From the crowd behind him, GURUKAMA approaches.

Gurukama.   You’ve a rare talent there, my friend.

Cristóbal.   What—getting beat by humans?   Anyone can do that.   The trick is to beat them and get them to come home with you.   I need a bit practice yet.

Gurukama.   To true.   My name’s Gurukama.

Cristóbal.   Cristóbal Sciabola.

Gurukama.   Of the Capitanese Sciabolas?

Cristóbal.   Are there any others?

Gurukama.   [laughing]   I suppose not.   That’s an impressive pedigree, my friend.   And with your fencing talent—

Cristóbal.   My enormously underappreciated fencing talent.   I only got partial scholarship.   Not that my family couldn’t shoulder the burden, but still.

Gurukama.   Got any plans to become active on campus?

Cristóbal.   Only among the females.

Gurukama.   Ha!   You’re a real straight shooter, Cris.   I like that.   I’m president of the Priman fraternity here on campus—Primma Kappa Rho.   We’re having a mixer later tonight.   You should stop by.

Cristóbal.   Will there be ladies present?

Gurukama.   I can assure you there will be.   As well as free food and beer.

Cristóbal.   I’ll think about it—though I was supposed to meet Handel for dinner.   He wanted to try that Eblanese place in town.

Gurukama.   Well, bring him along.   And that lady friend too, if you want.   We’re a Priman fraternity, but we welcome all races—“Through Diversity Comes Strength,” after all.

Cristóbal.   Maybe we’ll stop by.

Gurukama.   Do you need a ride?   I can send someone over to pick you up if you do.

Cristóbal.   I’m sure I can find it—big domed house with the swimming pool in the backyard?

Gurukama.   Right.   Only the best waters to remind us of home.   See you there.

Exit GURUKAMA.   CRISTOBAL continues to practice his moves, watching to make sure that female passersby notice him.   In the distance a bell tolls, indicating the start of a new hour.
End Scene 1

Scene 2
Scene: A flowery stretch of walkway between buildings at Truce College. Dean SOLOMON is walking.   Enter GURUKAMA.

Gurukama.   Howdy there, Dean.   Coming to our mixer?

Solomon.   Ah… young Gurukama.   I might be able to stop by for a few moments.   Got a party planned?

Gurukama.   Only the best.   I’m expecting half the incoming class to show up.

Solomon.   I’ll put the campus police on watch.

Gurukama.   They’re welcome to come.   I was hoping you and I could get together soon and discuss some things.

Solomon.   Oh?

Gurukama.   It’s in Primma Kappa Rho’s long-term plans to expand our number of endowed scholarships and stipends.   And we want larger underwater facilities.

Solomon.   Those things are expensive, Gurukama.   I’m afraid I don’t quite understand: you’re graduating in a year—you’ve done well by your fraternity.  

Gurukama.   You know how being in Primma Rho follows you around, Dean.   And you know what having this organization here on campus means to Truce College and its administrators.

Solomon.   I’m not sure I like your tone, young man.

Gurukama.   Tuition rises every year, as does the amount of financial aid available.   You stood up last year and told us we needed a nine percent tuition hike to increase the effect of our ‘campus diversity.’

Solomon.   I’m not sure what you’re point is, Gurukama, considering that you came in on nearly a full scholarship.

Gurukama.   My point is that it’s a racket—you’re a criminal, Dean Solomon, and the best kind.   Trust me, I know.   Right out in the open and respected.   The board votes tuition raises and salary increases on the same day, and the students can afford it, because it’s easier to borrow and find well-meaning sources of financial aid.   It’s so perfect—I almost wish the Guild had thought of it first.

Solomon.   Never mention them in the open, Gurukama.

Gurukama.   Don’t sweat it, Dean.   We’re on the same side in this.

Solomon.   You make it sound like we’re common crooks.   We do provide a valuable service.

Gurukama.   A service whose price increases dramatically each year, while the quality remains essentially the same.   You just package it differently.

Solomon.   All this talk just because you want a bigger pool?

Gurukama.   We all swim in the same pool, Dean.   We’re just smarter, so our corner is that much nicer.   And yes, we do want a bigger pool.   Our pool must be bigger than everyone else’s.

Solomon.   Enlarging your pool happens to shrink ours, Gurukama.   Still, I’ll see what I can do.

Gurukama.   Don’t forget the endowed scholarships for Primma Rho’s.   I’m looking to hook a young Sciabola into the order.   It pleases the families of the boys in my organization to here the words ‘free ride’ associated with their sons.

Solomon.   [sighing]   I miss the days when college was only an option for the super-wealthy.

Gurukama.   [laughing]   No you don’t, Dean.   Now you’re stealing from everyone, equally.   ‘Through Diversity Comes Strength.’
End Scene 2
End Act I

Act II

Scene 1
Scene: Early evening.   Backyard at the Primma Rho house.   There is a large swimming pool [represented by students jumping offstage, followed by splashing noises], numerous grills and beer kegs, and tables with food.   Students and Primma Rho’s are playing catch and frisbee on stage right.   Small crowds of students sit in circles around the stage, eating and drinking.   CRISTOBAL, HANDEL, and CASSANDRA enter from stage left.

Handel.   I’m not sure this beats Eblanese cuisine, Cris.

Cristóbal.   Stop being a noob, friend Handel.   There’s free beer and food and lots of hot young freshmen.

Cassandra.   Excuse me, I’m standing right here.

Cristóbal.   Handel’s already laid claim to you, my dear.   I’m on the prowl anew.

Cassandra.   You don’t have to speak about me like I’m a side a beef.

Cristóbal.   A delicious and talented side of beef, surely.

Cassandra.   You’re a misogynist bigot, Cris.

Cristóbal.   I just happen to love one race—beautiful.   [CRISTOBAL stands in line behind a beer keg]   Also, beer.

Handel.   Agreed.   I’m parched.

HANDEL, CRISTOBAL, and CASSANDRA obtain beer in blue plastic cups.   They sit.

Cassandra.   You’re not really going to join this thing, are you, Cris?   I heard the Primma Rho’s have ties to the mob.

Cristóbal.   The mob?   That’s kinda cool.   I wasn’t really interested, but now that you mention it…

Handel.   No, she’s right.   A lot of the Priman frat boys are the sons of high-rolling Priman businessmen.   It’s may not be the mob, but there is a lot of money and moneyed families on hand here.

Enter GURUKAMA.   He stands over HANDEL.  

Gurukama.   Hello friends.   Everyone having a good time?   Good to see you, Cris.   Glad you and your friends decided to stop by.  

Handel.   What’s the deal here, fish?   You lure your young Primans in with free beer and food and get them to join your secret society?

Gurukama.   [laughing]   Something like that.   But you don’t have to be Priman to join, human.   There’s nothing in our charter prohibiting other races.   You know the saying—‘Through Diversity Comes Strength.’

Handel.   So I could join, too?   I’ll consider it.

Gurukama.   Do that.   We’d love to have a human brother.

Cassandra.   Great, so now I’m the only one left out.

Gurukama.   Sorry, my dear.   Rules are rules.   Boys only.   We’re not that diverse.   Please excuse me—I have to make my rounds and play the gracious host.   There’s a lot of potential brothers in the crowd here.

Exit GURUKAMA.

Cassandra.   It’s time for more beer.

Handel.   Agreed.   Cris?

Enter Dean SOLOMON

Cristóbal.   Sure thing—hey, I think that’s some college bigwig over there—what’s his name… Sourman?

HANDEL, CRISTOBAL, and CASSANDRA get in the keg line.

Handel.   Solomon.   He’s Dean of… something.   He’s on the Board of Trustees, though, that I do know.  

Cristóbal.   So what’s he do?

Handel.   I haven’t a clue.

Cassandra.   What do any of the campus administrators do?

Handel.   Again, I’m stumped.  

Cristóbal.   They administrate… the campus?

Handel.   [laughing]   Are you the smartest that Capitan had to offer?   If that’s the case, I’m mightily disappointed.

Cristóbal.   I never claimed to be smart, friend Handel.   Just good looking.

Cassandra.   Don’t forget modest.

Cristóbal.   Yes, that too.

Solomon.   Hello there, students.   Enjoying yourselves?

Handel & Cassandra.   Yes, Dean Solomon.

Solomon.   You there… Sciabola, aren’t you?   I knew your uncles—fine businessmen.   You should really consider the Primma Rho’s.   It opens the doors to many new opportunities.

Cristóbal.   I told them I’d think about it.

Solomon.   Do that.   Fine upstanding young men, those.   They do well enough for themselves afterwards, of course, but that doesn’t demean the values they learn here at school.

Handel.   The frat President said that I could join too, if I wanted.

Solomon.   Every campus organization strives to be all-inclusive.

Enter GURUKAMA.

Gurukama.   Dean Solomon!   So glad you could make.   Checking up on our new recruit, eh?

Solomon.   The young Sciabola is quite impressive.   A skilled fencer, too, I hear.

Cassandra.   [aside]   Hardly.

Gurukama.   I was thinking I might be able to get him to swallow some dimensional theory along with that beer.

Cristóbal.   Now I’m the one who feels like a side of beef.

Cassandra.   Welcome to my world, Cris.

Handel.   Oh stop my heart so I can pity my poor attractive and sought after friends.

Cassandra.   You’re just jealous, Handel.

Solomon.   I have a dinner meeting I should be attending—don’t drink too much, youngsters.   Call a campus cab if you do.   You’ve got a lot of college left to get through.   Don’t blow it all on the first night.

Exit Dean SOLOMON.

Gurukama.   Hey, Cris, why don’t you join me up in my room?

Cristóbal.   Is there more beer there?

Gurukama.   There is, but I thought we could talk a bit.

Cristóbal.   I don’t know… I don’t want to leave Handel and Cassie here without anyone to keep them company.

Gurukama.   They’ll be fine, everyone is friendly here.   C’mon.   Let’s go get some real beer.

Handel.   Yes, I think we can manage to find the keg without you, Cris.

Cassandra.   Don’t be too long.   I’m not sure how long we can stick around.

Gurukama.   Have some more beer, have fun, take swim.   We’ll just be a moment.   Come on, Cris.   Let’s go have that chat.

Cristóbal.   I’ll be right back.
End Scene 1

Scene 2
Scene: The inside of the Primma Rho’s President room in the Primma Rho house.   The walls are a menagerie of tasteless posters, many of them beer ads and the remainder scantily clad human or Priman females.   A mini-fridge rests in the corner, next to a massive television in speaker set.   There is one window, which reveals the fading light of day.   As CRISTOBAL and GURUKAMA enter and sit, a bell is tolling, signifying the death of the ninth hour.

Cristóbal.   I like your style, Gurukama.

Gurukama. [hands CRISTOBAL a can from his fridge]   We like to live well here.   I like to think of it as a training session for the opulence to come.   Primma Rho’s tend to do very well in the outside world, Cris.   Our success rate is very high.

Cristóbal.   Maybe you don’t measure success like I do.

Gurukama.   Wealth.   Women.   Prestige.   Power.   Did I miss anything?

Cristóbal.   That about covers it, I guess.   Look, Gurukama, no offense, but I really didn’t want to rush into anything so quickly.   I thought I’d make some friends, find my place, practice my fencing.   I don’t need these other priorities so soon.

Gurukama.   I understand completely, Cris.   Trust me, I felt the same way during my first year.   Then I find the Primma Rho’s, and they welcomed me in and it’s felt right ever since.   I don’t want you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with.   But I will say this: all those things you mentioned, you can still do those if you’re in Primma Rho’s.   We’re all friends with people outside the fraternity.   We still study our theories and practice our fencing.   We just do it together.   And, I have to tell you, it’s nice to have group of brothers to back you up and give you support when you need it.   I don’t want to come on too strong, but I know a bit about your family, and well, they are interested in prepping you to take a solid position within the Guild.

Cristóbal.   The Guild is here?

Gurukama.   We are the Guild.   We are the next generation—we will be running things in a dozen years or so.   This is where we start.

Cristóbal.   So Primma Kappa Rho is really just a front.   You really didn’t mean what you said, about Handel joining up.

Gurukama.   Of course not—you know the rules, the Guild exists only for Primans.   It’s our way.   See, even you carry the Guild symbol.   [points to the abacus on CRISTOBAL’s belt]

Cristóbal.   That was a gift from my uncle.   I didn’t know it had some other significance.

There is a knock on the door.   TRIPPLEFIN enters.

Tripplefin.   What’s going on in here, fellas?   Pounding back some brews?

Gurukama.   Cris, this is Tripplefin.   He was my old roommate when we lived in the dorms.   We joined Primma Rho together.

Tripplefin.   Nice to meet you, Cris.   Were you with that hot piece of human down there?  

Cristóbal.   I think she’s busy fawning over my roommate.

Gurukama.   No big loss.   Plenty of fish.

Tripplefin.   You thinking about joining Primma Kappa Rho?

Gurukama.   Cris has said he’s interested.

Cristóbal.   Wouldn’t hurt to give it a try.   Still, I might need some time to think.

Tripplefin.   Sure man, take all the time you need.   We’ll still be here.   Gurukama’s probably told you about all the great things we can do for you, but the best part for me was having so many great friends.   This has definitely been the best time of my life.

Gurukama.   These four years are a great time, Cris, and it’s your choice on how to spend them.   Just keep in mind that how you choose to spend them might change the world that’s waiting for you on the other side of these four years.

There is a knock on the door.   Enter HANDEL.

Handel.   Hey, Cris?   Cassie and I were about to take off.   I didn’t want to leave without telling you.

Gurukama.   Go ahead, have a good time.   Cris and Trip and I were just here talking.

Cristóbal.   We were just about done, I think I’ll come with you—

Tripplefin.   Hey, I’ve got a great idea.   There’s these woods about behind the house, and a deep ravine with some great rock caves around there.   We haven’t been back there in ages.   Let’s go take a look, Cris.

Gurukama.   That’s a fun time.   I haven’t been down there in years.

Handel.   You sure you don’t want to come with us, Cris?

Cristóbal.   I can go see the caves.   I’ll meet up with you and Cassie later.

Handel.   Ok… hey, maybe I should go with you guys.

Gurukama.   It’s really wet and cold—not suited for pale pink skins, really.   Go on, Cris will be right with you.

Cristóbal.   Yeah, I’ll be right there, Handel.   We’re just going for a look.

Handel.   Ok.   See you later then, Cris.

Cristóbal.   Later, Handel.

End Scene 2

Scene 3
Scene: Darkness.   There is the faint outline of trees stage left and right.   CRISTOBAL, GURUKAMA, and TRIPPLEFIN are wandering slowly around center stage.

Cristóbal.   Man, it got dark really fast.

Gurukama.   Summer’s over.   The days are getting shorter.

Tripplefin.   Funny thing about this ravine… sometimes we used to send our initiates down there at night, toughen’em up.   It’s supposed to be haunted, but I’ve never seen anything down there.

Gurukama.   No, it really is haunted.   We’ve got pictures of the old woman who wanders the ravine in the game room.

Cristóbal.   I think you guys are making this up.

Gurukama.   Watch it, Cris.   You’ve got half a dozen beers in you—you don’t want to go sliding down that slope.

Cristóbal.   I can barely see it.

Gurukama.   Just hold onto me.

Tripplefin.   Hey, you’re still interested Primma Rho, ain’tcha Cris?   Why not go down into the ravine and take a look for us, tell us if you see anything haunted down there?

Cristóbal.   I’m not sure…it’s really dark.

Tripplefin.   There’s nothing down there man.   I’d put half a case up on that.

Gurukama.   I’ll take that bet.   Go on, Cris.   Go settle this for us.   Hey, I’ll tell you what: you go down and settle this for Trip and me, and we’ll put you on the fast track to Primma Rho.   No waiting probationary initiate period.   Just a few meetings and we’ll welcome you as a brother.   A Sciabola deserves no less.

Cristóbal.   I don’t think there’s anything down there.

Gurukama.   Go check it out for us.

Tripplefin.   Yeah, man, there’s nothing there.   You’re gonna owe me half a case, Gurukama.   Rack it up for me, Cristóbal.

Cristóbal.   Fine, I’ll take a look.

Gurukama.   Good man.

Tripplefin.   Careful on the slope.

Exit GURUKAMA and TRIPPLEFIN.   CRISTOBAL is alone in the darkness.

Cristóbal.   Alright, nothing to it.   Just down the hill and—

CRISTOBAL falls, out of sight.

End Scene 3
End Act II

Act III

Scene 1
Scene: Darkness.   A small blue light flickers at center stage, gradually growing in intensity.   The light is emanating from HAVISHAM, an old woman.   CRISTOBAL is kneeling nearby, where he landed from the fall.

Havisham.   Let me help you up there, dear.

Cristóbal.   Thank you.   I’m really sorry to have bothered you.   I few guys that live in the house up there said that this ravine was haunted—I didn’t mean to disturb your home.

Havisham.   No harm done.

Cristóbal.   Now if I can just find my way back—

Havisham.   No need to worry about that, Cristóbal.   Your friends will find you soon enough.   When they do you’ll have a choice to make.

Cristóbal.   How did you know my name?

Havisham.   I heard you all talking up there on the slope.   Loud as jackals, you were.

Cristóbal.   Again, I’m sorry for the disruption… Ms.—?

Havisham.   Havisham, dear.   Just Havisham.   And you needn’t be so apologetic.   This isn’t my home.   I just wander through here from time to time, to see what is happening in the world and who the actors are.

Cristóbal.   It is a bit late to be wandering about.

Havisham.   You needn’t worry about me.   I can take care of myself.   I’m more interested in how you are going to take care of yourself.

Cristóbal.   How do you mean?

Havisham.   Your friends from above want you to join them.   It vindicates them, makes them feel better about their own choices.   They want you to decide quickly, like there are no other choices.   In some ways, their very lives depend on it.

Cristóbal.   I don’t see anything wrong with that, necessarily.

Havisham.   [chuckling]   If you happen to make a choice they don’t like…. well, there you have it.   Tell me about your uncles.

Cristóbal.   Gods, you are a curious old coot.

Havisham.   Thank you for your honesty.   Now, your uncles?

Cristóbal.   They’re in business.   And other things too, if you must know.   My family has been a part of the Priman Merchant’s Guild for centuries.   My father tried to get us out of the business, but… he failed.

Havisham.   Perhaps you will succeed where he failed, hmm?

Cristóbal.   I hadn’t really thought about it.   I’m here to study fencing.

Havisham.   A fine sport.   More mind than body, really, like so many other things.   Are you a talented fencer?

Cristóbal.   I could be.   I suppose I haven’t really applied myself.

Havisham.   So many sentient beings look upon their lives as forked roads, continually choosing one path over another.   Little do they realize the full potentiality of their beings, as each choice closes a thousand other doors and opens a thousand more.

Cristóbal.   Now you sound like one of those dimensional theorists.

Havisham.   There’s more at stake than simply choosing to become your father or your uncles, Cristóbal.       You must decide what you want.

Cristóbal.   Handel said that to me when I moved in.

Havisham.   Who is Handel?

Cristóbal.   My roommate.  

Havisham.   And this person you’ve known for only one day, already the things he has said are lodged in your mind?

Cristóbal.   He’s a good guy.   Pretty smart… but you’re right, I’ve only known him for one day.

Havisham.   That’s not how I meant it.   But I’m afraid our time is up.   Your friends are coming down the slope.

Exit HAVISHAM.

End Scene 1

Scene 2
Scene: Midway up the ravine slope.   There is darkness, along with a few swaying trees.   The stage is backlit in an eerie blue.   GURUKAMA and TRIPPLEFIN make their way to CRISTOBAL at the center of the stage.   TRIPPLEFIN has a long, slender tool tucked into his belt.

Gurukama.   Cris?   Did you see something?   We heard voices.

Tripplefin.   There’s nothing down there, right Cris?

Cristóbal.   Nope.   You were right, Tripplefin.   Not a thing.

Tripplefin.   Looks like you owe me, Gurukama.

Gurukama.   Hold on a sec.   Looks like something’s moving down there…

Cristóbal.   I might’ve tripped over a badger.

Tripplefin.   Ha!   There’s your haunted ravine, Gurukama: just a muddy primate.

Gurukama.   So it seems.   In any case, that’s a job well done, Cris.   A few of our boys have had a tough time climbing outta there in the dark with a belly full of beer.   C’mon back up to the house and we’ll get you warmed up.

Cristóbal.   If you don’t mind, I’ll pass on that.   I’ve gotta go catch up with my friends.

Tripplefin.   We’re right here, Cris.   Let’s go have a nightcap and I’ll show you around the house.

Gurukama.   What’s the score, Cris?   You coming with us or not?

Cristóbal.   I really should be going.   Handel might get worried.

Gurukama.   You’ll come back and see us tomorrow, though, right?

Cristóbal.   I… I don’t think so.   No offense to you guys, but I’ve got a lot of things to take care of and I just don’t think I have the time.

Tripplefin.   Think it over, Cristóbal.   You don’t turn down the kind of things that Gurukama is offering you.   The Guild wouldn’t like it.

Cristóbal.   No offense, guys, but the Guild can eat me.

Gurukama.   Oh, Cris.   Why did you go and say that?   Do you have any idea what you’re getting into?   This is bigger than a fraternity.   We Primma Rho’s live well, but we’re nothing compared to the Guild.   You know that, right?   Remember your uncles.   Remember your father.

Cristóbal.   I’m going back to my friends.

CRISTOBAL starts to move away from TRIPPLEFIN and GURUKAMA, but GURUKAMA grabs him from behind and pins his arms behind his back.   He wrestles CRISTOBAL to the ground.   TRIPPLEFIN draws the tool from his belt, an oversized scaler.

Tripplefin.   I told Gurukama we might need this tonight.   He didn’t think so.   Looks like he was wrong on two counts tonight.

Gurukama.   Hold on.   Let’s try this once more, Cristóbal.   You come back to the house with us, we’ll have some beers, and forget this ever happened.

Cristóbal.   I’ve already forgotten it.   Now let me go.

Tripplefin.   Let me do him, Gurukama.   I’ll make it so he can’t ever forget.

Gurukama.   Do it quickly.

GURUKAMA pulls up CRISTOBAL’s shirt and sticks it in his mouth to muffle his screams.   TRIPPLEFIN begins tears at CRISTOBAL’s clothing and then uses his scaler to cut off CRISTOBAL’s silver scales, until he has none at all.   GURUKAMA releases him.

Gurukama.   Now you’re just like those pink skins you like so much.   Without your scales, you’ll be as useless in the water as they are.   This is what you get for defying the Guild.

CRISTOBAL coughs and sputters.   Exit GURUKAMA and TRIPPLEFIN.   The blue light grows brighter.   Enter HAVISHAM.  

Cristóbal.   I never had a choice.

Havisham.   The choice was made.   A drop in the water, a single movement among thousands.

Cristóbal.   Who are you, Havisham?

Havisham.   I am the sentient of Fate.   Your father had a wish, to defy the Guild and break his family free.   I felt it as he died.   It was a simple wish, a passing dream, which you have now both paid for and inherited.

Cristóbal.   Now I wish he hadn’t.

Havisham.   Not all wishes are foolish.

The blue light grows brighter, and then fades to black.   Exit HAVISHAM.

End Scene 2

Scene 3
Scene: Days later, inside a small Truce College dorm room.   HANDEL and CASSANDRA are sitting on an unmade bed, holding hands.   CRISTOBAL has gathered his things and is carrying out one of the last boxes.   His skin, scaleless, is pale and pink and white.

Handel.   They’re going to get those creeps, Cris.   There’s no reason for you to leave.

Cristóbal.   No, they won’t get them.   But that’s alright.   I shouldn’t be here anyway.   I’ve got something else to do.

Cassandra.   I won’t let the Primma Rho’s get away with this.

Cristóbal.   No—listen to me.   I want you both to stay away from the Primma Rho’s and their house.   Let me worry about them.

Handel.   If that’s how you want it.   I can’t say that their house will stay egg-free for the entire semester, though…. Ah, well.   It was a swell day we had, Cris.   I was looking forward to many more.

Cristóbal.   I enjoyed it, too, friend Handel.   A real college adventure.   I suppose I have to get a head-start on growing up now.

Handel.   I’ll stay childish for a few more years, thank you.

Cassandra.   This really sucks.   Why do you have to go?

Cristóbal.   It’s just my choice, Cassie.

Handel.   Are you sure it’s the right one?

Cristóbal.   Nope.   Just the one that I have to make.

Handel.   I fail to see the distinction.

Cristóbal.   You will, if you don’t get bogged down in your theories.   It’s like living on the water or in the land—like making yourself subservient to a cult of false diversity for less than noble reasons.   Just choices, just directions.  

Handel.   But the choice of living in the water has been robbed of you.   I mean—your scales.

Cristóbal.   What’s one option less among millions?

Handel.   You sound as if you’re the one who should be studying theory.

Cristóbal.   And run the risk of showing you up?   No, friend Handel, you’d better walk me to my transport while you still have the chance.

Cassandra.   I’ll go too.

The lights dim.   Exit CASSANDRA, HANDEL, and finally CRISTOBAL.

Finis