EAT YOUR WORDS Dramatis Personae

Detective BRONSKY - Zellis Police Detective.
Lieutenant Larry DOSKATOVA - Zellis Police Officer, constant thorn in Bronsky`s side.
CRAY - Jack of all trades.
JACA - Cray`s partner.
Alan GERUND - College student at Zellis Academy of Arts and Sciences.
Chris STEWART - Toll booth operator.
MRS. GERUND - Alan Gerund`s mother.
ORPHEUS - Master of the Wordsmiths.
ONYX - Brother of the Wordsmiths.
WORDSMITH - Brothers of the Wordsmiths.
LIBRARIAN - Librarian of the Campus Library of Zellis Academy of Arts and Sciences.
WOMAN - Friend of Alan Gerund.

ACT ONE: In Which the Characters are Introduced

SCENE ONE

(Alan GERUND sits alone in a library cubicle. Moonlight shines through the window and a computer screen illuminates GERUND`s features to reveal a young man in his twenties, clean-shaven, but wearing dingy clothes.)

GERUND: Idiot. How can you say that? The only reason he`s got a job is that he`s got some photos of the editor or something. The guy`s a hack! Look at what he`s had them do!

(He taps furiously on the keyboard.)

(The sound of a door flying open is heard. GERUND rises and gazes out of his cubicle but can see nothing. Then a voice echoes throughout the library.)

VOICE: KillerNepotism, you have been judged!

(GERUND spins around, searching for the owner of the voice.)

GERUND: What the...?! Who`s there?

VOICE: We sentence you to eat your words...

(Multiple hooded figures flood onto the stage from either direction and grab GERUND, holding him down. Enter the owner of the VOICE, also hooded, who strolls casually in front of GERUND.)

VOICE: ...and to death.

(Sight of Alan GERUND is lost as the hooded figures close in around him.)

End SCENE ONE


SCENE TWO

(The Zellis Police Station is abuzz with activity. Sitting at his desk, effectively tuning out the background noise around him, is Detective BRONSKY. He is approached by Lieutenant Larry DOSKATOVA.)

DOSKATOVA: Good morning, Bronsky!

(BRONSKY looks up without moving his head.)

BRONSKY: It was.

DOSKATOVA: Well, we`ve got another gem for you. It happened again. Ain`t this the third one? Same MO as all the others: beaten to death with all his fingers cut off and stuffed in his mouth.

(BRONSKY grimaces as DOSKATOVA waggles his own fingers.)

BRONSKY: Lovely. Where?

DOSKATOVA: Campus Library. He was apparently alone, nobody heard a thing. You`ll have to track down the rest yourself. Have fun.

BRONSKY: What is it that makes these cases my problem, again?

(DOSKATOVA begins to walk away, waving his hands as if he were trying to scare someone.)

DOSKATOVA: Ghosts, Bronsky. The kind that make you eat your own hands. We mere mortals aren`t any match for them. What can we do but rely upon you?

BRONSKY: Jerk.

End SCENE TWO


SCENE THREE

(Detective BRONSKY approaches an old woman sitting on her porch. The mother of the victim, Alan GERUND. She glares at him, partially blaming him for the death of her son. BRONSKY appears sympathetic.)

BRONSKY: Mrs. Gerund, how do you do? I`m Detective Bronsky.

MRS. GERUND: My son was just murdered, Detective. How do you think I "do"?

BRONSKY: I`m sorry for your loss. I was hoping I could talk to you about your son, though. He`s not the first to have been targeted in this fashion.

(BRONSKY produces two photographs and holds them in front of her face.)

BRONSKY: These young men were murdered in a similar fashion earlier this month. Do you recognize them?

(MRS. GERUND studies the photographs, silently.)

BRONSKY: Were they friends of your son`s, perhaps?

MRS. GERUND: I`ve never seen them before in my life. Are you saying that if you`d done your job right and caught whoever`s responsible like you`re supposed to, my son would still be alive?

(BRONSKY pockets the photographs and tries to ignore her question.)

BRONSKY: Did your son have any enemies, Mrs. Gerund? Anyone who may have wished him any harm?

MRS. GERUND: My Alan was a good boy and I`ll thank you not to insinuate otherwise.

BRONSKY: Of course, my apologies.

MRS. GERUND: What are you doing here? Shouldn`t you be out finding the person who killed my baby boy? Instead you`re hounding me, trying to make my Alan into something he wasn`t. An incompetent louse, that`s what you are, Detective. Have you no decency?

BRONSKY: I`m sorry for your loss, Mrs. Gerund. Good day.

(BRONSKY nods a farewell and walks away, lowering his voice to a mutter as he goes.)

BRONSKY: Hag.

(Exit Detective BRONSKY)

(MRS. GERUND picks up a newspaper clipping and reads it aloud.)

MRS. GERUND: "Lost cat? Missing person? Looking to bring a fugitive to justice? Need your lawn mowed? Any job, you name it, we`ll do it, call Cray & Jaca at..."

(MRS. GERUND picks up her phone and begins dialing.)

End SCENE THREE


SCENE FOUR

(MRS. GERUND, CRAY, & JACA sit around a kitchen table. The room is very tidy in the meticulous way only mothers can manage. A plate of cookies sits in the center of the table, which CRAY and JACA readily help themselves to.)

JACA: These are wonderful. Your own recipe?

MRS. GERUND: Why, yes!

JACA: You should market these. Package them and sell them. You`d make a fortune. You could be like... oh, what`s her name... Mrs...

CRAY: Cookie?

JACA: Mrs. Cookie. That`s.... no, that`s not right. Where the heck did you come up with that?

CRAY: It was a guess.

JACA: What kind of self-respecting businesswoman would name her brand "Mrs. Cookie"?

CRAY: Would you be confused as to what she was selling?

JACA: What if she was selling scones?

CRAY: Okay, that would be stupid, then.

JACA: That`s all I`m saying.

CRAY: She`d have to call herself "Mrs. Scone".

JACA: Cray.

(CRAY claps his hands and grabs another cookie.)

CRAY: Sorry about that, Mrs. Gerund. You mentioned on the phone that you had someone you wanted us to find?

MRS. GERUND: Yes. My son, Alan... he`s a good boy, you see. He`d never get mixed up in anything dreadful or dangerous or illegal.

CRAY: He`s missing?

MRS. GERUND: He`s dead.

(CRAY and JACA are uneasily silent.)

CRAY: I`m sorry.

(MRS. GERUND pulls out a newspaper and places it on the table.)

MRS. GERUND: He was murdered while he was at the library. The police came by, but I wasn`t at all impressed with them. Did you know that my boy was the third person this had happened to? If that doesn`t speak to their incompetence...

JACA: Ma`am, in my experience, the police are always incompetent.

MRS. GERUND: I want you to find the person who did this to him and make them pay.

(Both CRAY and JACA raise eyebrows and lean in closer.)

CRAY & JACA: How?

MRS. GERUND: What?

CRAY: How do you want them to pay?

(JACA waves a dismissive hand.)

JACA: Finding the person shouldn`t prove too difficult. We`ve got experience with that sort of thing. What we do when we catch him, though...

CRAY: We could kill him, but that tends to bring the police down on us. We`d do it, of course, for a nominal fee...

(CRAY looks around the kitchen.)

CRAY: ...but, and pardon me for saying so, I don`t think you could afford it.

JACA: Which leaves maiming, a beat-down, few broken limbs, maybe... well, you get the idea.

CRAY: All hazards of a citizen`s arrest.

MRS. GERUND: I want them to pay. I want...

(MRS. GERUND looks at the newspaper.)

MRS. GERUND: Do what they did to my boy.

(CRAY and JACA look down at the newspaper. CRAY takes it and slides it into his coat.)

JACA: That shouldn`t be too difficult. A job like this usually runs about 1,500 geld, but in consideration of your loss, we`ll do it for 900.

CRAY: Jaca, are you forgetting where we are?

JACA: Huh? Oh, right. They use marks here, don`t they?

MRS. GERUND: I can get geld, if that`s what you need!

JACA: No, marks are okay.

(CRAY and JACA rise.)

CRAY: We`ll be in touch, Mrs. Gerund.

End SCENE FOUR


SCENE FIVE

(Detective BRONSKY stands next to the cubicle Alan GERUND had been using, looking down at a chalk outline on the floor. That area of the library has been blocked off by police tape.)

BRONSKY: No sign of a fight... too much foot traffic in the library under normal circumstances to figure out what`s new and what`s not, at least with what I`ve got here. Doskatova really is a jerk.

(BRONSKY continues to examine the crime scene.)

BRONSKY: Nothing unusual on the computer. Just some mindless surfing from the looks of it. Not even anything good.

(BRONSKY taps the keys for a few moments, then sighs and walks over to the librarian`s counter, taking care to duck under the police line.)

BRONSKY: Hi.

LIBRARIAN: Hi.

BRONSKY: Now, you`re sure nobody was here with this Gerund kid?

LIBRARIAN: As near as we can tell. The library was closed. The only reason he was even here was that he snuck in an unlocked window.

BRONSKY: Yeah, he`s a good boy, alright. Kids these days, don`t want to pay for anything.

(CRAY and JACA enter from the opposite end of the stage, crawl under the police line, and begin examining the crime scene, unbeknownst to BRONSKY.)

BRONSKY: Hardly seems worth the effort. I mean, all he did was visit a few stupid message boards. You ever been to one?

LIBRARIAN: A few.

BRONSKY: They`re cesspools. Me, I take exception to some little eight year old brat barely even smart enough to dress himself telling me he knows more about my job than I do.

(The LIBRARIAN watches CRAY and JACA over BRONSKY`S shoulder.)

BRONSKY: I swear, sometimes I think it`d be worth it if I could just grab them...

(BRONSKY makes a twisting motion with his hands, as if he were wringing a towel.)

BRONSKY: ...and just... POP.

LIBRARIAN: Uh huh.

BRONSKY: So, anyway. This yutz down at the station mentioned something about ghosts. Is this place haunted at all?

LIBRARIAN: Not that I`m aware of, no. Oh, wait, there was an incident here a few years ago with Professor Randolph, but...

(BRONSKY`S head sags.)

BRONSKY: Nevermind that, I know all about that.

LIBRARIAN: Then, no.

BRONSKY: Well, if you think of anyth...

(BRONSKY finally notices CRAY and JACA.)

BRONSKY: HEY! YOU TWO! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU`RE DOING?

(CRAY and JACA frown and slide out from under the police line as BRONSKY rushes over to them.)

BRONSKY: This is a crime scene, you can`t just go poking around where you like. I ought to run you in and...

CRAY: You must be Detective Bronsky. How do you do? I`m Cray and this is my partner, Jaca. We`re independant investigators from...

JACA: Mana.

CRAY: ...who were brought in because the methodology of these incidents matches a case we`ve been working on.

BRONSKY: You two are cops?

CRAY: No, no. Freelance.

BRONSKY: Then I don`t care what case you`re on, this is my jurisdiction and...

(JACA holds up a laminated card with the FTSR seal on it.)

JACA: We`re licensed.

(BRONSKY grabs the card and stares at it incredulously.)

CRAY: We expect you to coordinate with us on this, Detective.

BRONSKY: We`re LICENSING people now?

End SCENE FIVE

End ACT ONE

ACT TWO: In Which the Plot Thickens

SCENE ONE

(The stage is bare, save for two chairs facing the audience on either side. Two figures walk out and sit in the chairs, their faces disguised. One wears a cat mask, NEKONIP, the other a blank mask of black, ONYX.)

NEKONIP: Hey, anybody pick up the latest issue of Fated Destiny? It`s totally awesome. At last somebody finally gets the character.

ONYX: What are you, NekoNip, a moron? This completely flies in the face of everything that`s been canon for the last eightteen years. Do you know how many stories it invalidates?

NEKONIP: Oh, right. I forgot, silly me, thinking I could talk to people who actually like the book. You know, if you don`t like the book, Onyx, why do you even come here?

ONYX: I have as much right to come here as you, I just don`t feel the need to kiss the collective rears of the people behind this piece of trash like you do. They need to know why it stinks.

NEKONIP: If they haven`t gotten the point after your other six hundred comments, I doubt six hundred one will make a difference.

ONYX: Not your call, is it?

NEKONIP: You haven`t even read it, have you?

ONYX: I don`t need to read it to know it`s garbage. It regresses the title.

NEKONIP: Please. Did your mother smoke while she was pregnant with you? Maybe that`d explain it. You`re nothing but a stupid dork who doesn`t get the character at all.

ONYX: Big talk for somebody who takes whatever they`re given and asks for "More please."

NEKONIP: I`m tired of talking to you. Go find someone more your level-- a two year old would suffice.

ONYX: Anyone who likes Fated Destiny fits that bill.

NEKONIP: Better run, Onyx, I think I hear your mother coming to drown you.

End SCENE ONE


SCENE TWO

(The stage is dark. Nine hooded figures emerge from the darkness, the same figures from ACT ONE, SCENE ONE.)

VOICE: Welcome, Wordsmiths. We have been summoned because one of our brothers has found another candidate for our judgment. Brother Onyx?

ONYX: Thank you, Master Orpheus.

(ONYX steps in front of the other eight hooded figures-- the WORDSMITHS-- and begins to address them.)

ONYX: All of you are well aware of the situation on the Fated Destiny board.

ALL: Aye.

ONYX: That travesty continues to mock us, as do those who embrace it. It needlessly alters history because its author is unable to see the character in any way but how it was when he grew up. He has cast aside the foundation already in place when he was brought in-- to selfishly suit his own desires!

ALL: Aye.

ONYX: And those in power stand by and do nothing, they let it happen.

ALL: Aye.

ONYX: Exposing this selfishness is, as always, one of the Wordsmiths` primary missions.

ALL: Aye.

ONYX: But, there are those who would damage our cause, who would divert our message into a personal swamp from which there is no escape-- decrying the deserving and building up the undeserving.

ALL: Aye.

ONYX: One such person we know all too well.

ORPHEUS: Who, Brother Onyx?

ONYX: NekoNip.

ALL: Aye!

ORPHEUS: Long has NekoNip been a thorn in our side. What has transpired, Brother Onyx, that brings us together to discuss him now?

ONYX: He disrespects us, Master Orpheus. He perverts our message and diminishes us.

ORPHEUS: But he does not know of the Wordsmiths` existence.

ONYX: He diminishes us, nonetheless.

(ORPHEUS and the others pause to consider ONYX`S words.)

ORPHEUS: Very well. Let NekoNip be judged.

(ONYX bows and takes his place among the eight once again.)

End SCENE TWO


SCENE THREE

(CRAY and JACA stand together, watching as one-by-one students approach a memorial to Alan GERUND erected on the steps of the campus library.)

JACA: I didn`t think this Gerund kid was that popular.

CRAY: He wasn`t. Happening this close, though, scares people. It makes them think about their own mortality.

JACA: See any that look like they knew him personally?

CRAY: It`s hard to tell. Lots of people here.

(They wait until someone in tears is leaving. CRAY reaches out and places a hand on her shoulder.)

CRAY: Excuse me. Sorry to bother you-- did you know Mr. Gerund?

WOMAN: Yes. Who are you?

CRAY: My name is Cray and this is my partner, Jaca. We`re investigating Mr. Gerund`s death and were hoping we might be able to talk to someone who knew him. You two were friends?

WOMAN: More or less.

JACA: Do you know what Gerund did in his spare time?

WOMAN: What?

JACA: Hobbies, job, sports, that sort of thing.

WOMAN: He, uh, had a job moving boxes and that sort of thing at the market. A weekend thing.

CRAY: And what did he do during the week?

WOMAN: Mostly hung out. We kept to ourselves, playing video games, watching movies. He liked to talk about comic books, too, but I was never really into that.

CRAY: Did he have a friend who was?

WOMAN: Not really. Mostly he talked about them online, on message boards and stuff.

(CRAY notices some students wearing red armbands approaching the memorial.)

CRAY: Do you know who they are? Friends of his?

WOMAN: No, I`ve never seen them before.

CRAY: Was Alan fighting with anyone that you know of?

WOMAN: No... well, I mean, I was a little mad at him because he forgot my birthday, but I didn`t...

(The WOMAN erupts into a fresh batch of tears. CRAY pats her shoulder comfortingly.)

CRAY: Thank you for your help.

(Exit WOMAN. JACA turns to CRAY.)

JACA: Did you see them?

CRAY: The red ones? Briefly.

JACA: They spit on the memorial.

CRAY: Really? Interesting. Find out who they are.

(Exit CRAY and JACA.)

End SCENE THREE


SCENE FOUR

(In a parking garage late at night, Chris STEWART is getting out of his car.)

ORPHEUS: NekoNip, you have been judged!

(STEWART looks around for ORPHEUS.)

STEWART: Who`s there?

ORPHEUS: You have been judged and sentenced.

STEWART: Look, I`m in no mood for games! I`m tired, I just want a hot shower and some sleep.

ORPHEUS: We sentence you to eat your words...

(The WORDSMITHS flood onto the stage from either direction and grab STEWART, slamming him down to the ground. Enter ORPHEUS, who once more strolls casually in front of the victim.)

ORPHEUS: ...and to death.

(Sight of STEWART is lost as the WORDSMITHS crowd around and begin to beat him.)

End SCENE FOUR


SCENE FIVE

(CRAY and JACA sit alone in front of a computer.)

JACA: I only managed to ID two of them. The rest don`t go to school here so it`ll take longer to find out who they are.

CRAY: Two should be enough.

JACA: Right. The first one is Paul Kirkman. He`s the one that did the spitting. He`s pursuing a degree in art in order to-- get this-- draw comic books for a living.

CRAY: Back to comics?

JACA: Looks like. What was it Gerund was doing when he was murdered?

CRAY: Posting on a message board.

(CRAY sits up straighter.)

CRAY: A comic book message board!

JACA: Bingo.

CRAY: You`re kidding... this was all over comic books?

JACA: I dunno, but it`s the only thing we`ve got to go on right now. I didn`t find anything comic related with the second guy-- Tim Oswald-- but that doesn`t really mean anything. He might have been a closet fan.

CRAY: Either Kirkman or Oswald have any contact with Gerund?

JACA: Not that I could find, which means it probably happened on the message board.

CRAY: Hack in, see what their handles were.

(JACA begins to tap away at the keyboard.)

JACA: Gerund went by "KillerNepotism".

CRAY: How happy.

(JACA continues to type.)

JACA: Looks like Oswald is... "Onyx".

CRAY: And Kirkman?

JACA: "Orpheus."

CRAY: Well, they were here, alright. Run a search. See if "KillerNepotism" ever crossed paths with "Onyx" and "Orpheus".

(JACA continues to type.)

JACA: Oh, yeah.

CRAY: Find something?

JACA: A live one.

End SCENE FIVE


SCENE SIX

(At a fast food restaurant, CRAY and JACA sit in a booth awaiting Detective BRONSKY, who soon joins them with a tray of lunch.)

BRONSKY: I`m starving. Stupid precinct gives me way too much work.

JACA: Well, we were starting to wonder whether or not you were going to show up, Detective.

CRAY: You never call, you never write...

(BRONSKY glares at them.)

BRONSKY: Look, I`ll work with you because I have to, but that doesn`t make us friends and it doesn`t mean I like it.

JACA: Fair enough.

CRAY: Break my heart.

JACA: Knock it off, Cray.

(BRONSKY reaches into his pocket and drops a few photographs on the table for CRAY and JACA to see.)

CRAY: What`s this?

BRONSKY: Fourth victim.

JACA: No way. It happened again?

BRONSKY: Last night. I tell you, I`m starting to get mad. I`m almost convinced this is just Doskatova trying to mess with me. No rhyme or reason, none of the victims knew one another, they came from different walks of life...

(BRONSKY taps the photos while picking up his sandwich with the other.)

BRONSKY: I`m telling you, it`s getting where seeing fingers stuffed in mouths isn`t even enough to make me lose my appetite anymore.

CRAY: Of course not, you`re a veteran.

JACA: What was his name?

BRONSKY: Chris Stewart. Worked a toll booth. If it weren`t for the other three, nothing would really strike me as out of the ordinary. Who doesn`t get ticked off at toll booth guys? But, same MO.

CRAY: Know if he collected comic books?

(BRONSKY snorts, almost choking on his food.)

BRONSKY: What does that have to do with anything?

JACA: More than you think.

(JACA slides the photos back across the table to BRONSKY.)

JACA: Run a background check... on Stewart and the first two victims, as well. See if they were all into comic books. More specifically, see if they liked to frequent the online message board "Fifth Ink".

BRONSKY: You`ve got to be kidding me.

CRAY: Hey, you`ve got something better to do? Take a chance. You might like what you find.

JACA: If they did frequent the board, run a search to see if they ever got into a fight with the users "Onyx" or "Orpheus".

BRONSKY: You two are crazy.

JACA: Should we be offended, Cray?

CRAY: No. Crazy works.

BRONSKY: I swear, if this is another one of Doskatova`s jokes...

(Exit CRAY and JACA. BRONSKY resumes his meal.)

BRONSKY: Nutballs.

End SCENE SIX


SCENE SEVEN

(Late night at the Zellis Police Station, BRONSKY is at his desk.)

BRONSKY: Nuts think that they can jerk me around. Not Detective Bronsky, lemme tell you.

(BRONSKY hits the keys on his keyboard forcefully.)

BRONSKY: Stupid pranksters with stupid licenses that I didn`t even (stupid) know we (stupidly) made.

(BRONSKY continues to type.)

BRONSKY: Comic books... yeah right. "Orpheus". Comic book indeed.

(The computer beeps and displays information. BRONSKY falls silent and his eyebrows rise.)

BRONSKY: I`ll be a son of a...

(He leans back in his chair, thoughtfully.)

BRONSKY: Yeah. Crazy works.

End SCENE SEVEN

End ACT TWO

ACT THREE: In Which Words are Eaten

SCENE ONE

(CRAY, JACA, and BRONSKY are gathered around a library computer a few cubicles over from the one Alan GERUND had used.)

BRONSKY: Okay, I`ll admit, you guys were on to something.

CRAY: Awfully hard to be on nothing.

JACA: Cray.

CRAY: Yeah, yeah. So anyway, I`ve set up an account on Fifth Ink.

(CRAY grins evilly.)

CRAY: Everybody hates newbies.

JACA: What handle did you pick?

CRAY: "Cray".

(JACA slaps his forehead.)

BRONSKY: Idiot.

CRAY: I`ve got nothing to hide. Let him come after me.

BRONSKY: Remember, we`re just making contact for now. I`ll need time to coordinate with the rest of the force to have a group ready to take him into custody.

(CRAY waves a dismissive hand.)

CRAY: Yeah, yeah. Let`s go, it`s showtime.

(CRAY begins to type.)

End SCENE ONE


SCENE TWO

(The stage is bare once more, save for two chairs facing the audience on either side. Two figures walk out and sit in the chairs. One is CRAY. The other is ORPHEUS.)

CRAY: So, I`ve been reading these past posts to get a feel for the board. Guess Orpheus is a real dipstick.

ORPHEUS: As first impressions go, Cray, yours was beaten with a pillowcase full of bricks.

CRAY: I get that a lot, not that it matters. I call them as I see them. I don`t think in all my years I`ve ever seen a bigger pinhead than you.

ORPHEUS: I`d care if it looked like you possessed intelligence.

CRAY: You wouldn`t know intelligence if you blew it out your nose. Hey, maybe THAT`S what happened.

ORPHEUS: You`re really starting to tick me off.

CRAY: Only starting to? Shoot, I thought I was doing better. Now, I`m behind schedule.

ORPHEUS: What`s your problem?

CRAY: Asinine jokers like you. Dude, it`s a comic book.

ORPHEUS: If you feel that way, don`t bother coming here.

CRAY: Why, because I`m not delusional like all the rest? I see them for what they are?

ORPHEUS: They`re works of art and literature at its finest!

CRAY: How many times a day is your head hit with a brick?

ORPHEUS: You`d better shut up!

CRAY: Bet you never had any friends growing up. Bet your momma never paid you any attention.

ORPHEUS: Shut up, SHUT UP!

CRAY: How pathetic. Had to build comic books up into something monumental so you wouldn`t feel alone.

(ORPHEUS stands and exits stage right.)

CRAY: Orpheus? Hello?

End SCENE TWO


SCENE THREE

(The stage is dark as the WORDSMITHS meet once more.)

ORPHEUS: I refuse to suffer this indignity any further!

ALL: Aye!

ORPHEUS: Cray represents absolutely everything the Wordsmiths stand against! Arrogance, ignorance, immaturity...

ALL: Aye!

ORPHEUS: He impugns not only the honor of our society, but of me, personally.

ALL: Aye!

ORPHEUS: He has no regard whatsoever for the artform!

ALL: Aye!

ORPHEUS: Brother Onyx, find out who this Cray is. He will not throw his barbs from obscurity for much longer.

ONYX: Yes, Master Orpheus.

ORPHEUS: My fellow Wordsmiths... let him be judged!

ALL: AYE!!!!!

End SCENE THREE


SCENE FOUR

(BRONSKY looks from CRAY to JACA and back again as they are still crowded around the library computer.)

BRONSKY: Well?

CRAY: Chicken ran.

BRONSKY: What?

JACA: He bolted. Stopped responding.

BRONSKY: Blast.

CRAY: No, that`s a good thing.

BRONSKY: How do you figure?

(CRAY looks over his shoulder at BRONSKY, a huge grin on his face.)

CRAY: It means I`ve ticked him off so much that he went running to his cronies to deal with me.

BRONSKY: Oh. And where will that happen?

JACA: Probably here, since it`s the only place we`ve accessed from. This is where the cyber trail will lead them, assuming that`s how they find out.

CRAY: They could be backtracking the e-mail address, which would lead them to Gate.

BRONSKY: I thought you guys were from Mana.

JACA: We`re smart shoppers. Ten geld a month, can you believe it?

BRONSKY: Really? I`ll have to get their name, if they handle inter-dimensional mail that cheaply.

CRAY: I`ll look for their card.

BRONSKY: Good. I`ll head down to the station and get a team together. We`ll blend in with the crowd and wait for this Orpheus to make a move.

CRAY: Sounds like a plan.

BRONSKY: Don`t do anything till I get back. I`m serious.

JACA: We wouldn`t dream of it, Detective Bronsky.

(Exit BRONSKY.)

(CRAY turns back to the computer.)

CRAY: Sounds like a plan, but not the one I intend to follow.

JACA: I`ll meet you in the car.

(CRAY begins to type.)

CRAY: Come to Papa Cray, Orpheus.

End SCENE FOUR


SCENE FIVE

(The stage is bare, save for two chairs facing the audience on either side. CRAY is seated in one chair. The other is empty.)

CRAY: Chickening out, Orpheus? Can dish it, but can`t take it?

(CRAY sits in silence.)

CRAY: Yeah, about what I expected from somebody as pathetic as you. Must be curled up in a ball crying for your momma who`ll never come because you spend all your time with stupid comic books.

(Enter a smiling ORPHEUS, who takes his seat.)

ORPHEUS: You have no idea the trouble you`ve bought yourself, friend.

CRAY: Is that so? Careful, that almost sounded like a threat. I know that can`t be the case, given how wussy you are.

ORPHEUS: Don`t worry, it was.

CRAY: I`m shaking. If you think a boy like you is man enough to take me, I dare you to show up at Zellis Park in two hours.

ORPHEUS: What makes you think I`m from Zellis?

CRAY: You seem the type. Try not to blow your nose between now and then, wouldn`t want you to pass out.

(Exit CRAY.)

ORPHEUS: You have no idea who you`re dealing with.

End SCENE FIVE


SCENE SIX

(Zellis Park. CRAY is sitting alone on a park bench, legs crossed and arms stretched along the back of the bench. He checks his watch and looks around for sign of ORPHEUS.)

CRAY: Orrr~pheus... I`m waaa~aaiting...

(A bush rustles behind him. CRAY keeps his gaze forward.)

ORPHEUS: Cray, you have been judged!

CRAY: There you are.

ORPHEUS: The Wordsmiths sentence you to eat your words and to death!

(The hooded figures of the WORDSMITHS emerge and rush towards CRAY. One leaps from behind, but CRAY leans to one side and traps the WORDSMITH`S hand in the crook of his elbow. A downward jab with the other hand breaks the arm. CRAY flips backwards over the bench and the WORDSMITH just as the rest reach the bench.)

CRAY: You`re more organized than I thought, Orpheus. But, you`re still just a little boy crying for mommy.

(CRAY ducks the punches of another WORDSMITH, sidestepping and tripping the attacker in the process. He stamps the back of the WORDSMITH`S head into the ground with his foot.)

CRAY: "Eat your words", huh? I get it.

(CRAY blocks a punch from the third WORDSMITH and retaliates, dropping him like a sack of potatoes.)

ORPHEUS: Stop playing around!

CRAY: But, I like playing around. Or were you not talking to me?

(ONYX slams into CRAY`S back, pushing him over the park bench.)

ORPHEUS: That`s it! That`s it!

(Jaca emerges from behind a nearby tree and takes aim with a gun in either hand. Twin cords shoot out of the guns and into the backs of two WORDSMITHS, followed by an electrical current. The two men collapse.)

JACA: Thought you said you could take `em yourself, Cray.

(CRAY rolls on the ground, struggling with ONYX.)

CRAY: I would`ve!

(CRAY kicks ONYX in the stomach and flips him overhead into a nearby bush.)

CRAY: Why aren`t you coming after me yourself, Orpheus?

(ORPHEUS keeps the remaining WORDSMITH between himself and CRAY as they circle each other. CRAY shakes his head.)

CRAY: Over comic books.

ORPHEUS: You don`t have the mental capacity to comprehend them.

CRAY: Oh, come off it, Kirkland.

ORPHEUS: I... don`t know what you`re talking about. My name is Orpheus.

CRAY: Pitiful.

(JACA comes up behind ORPHEUS and hits him in the back of the head with the butt of his gun. ORPHEUS collapses.)

CRAY: I was kinda hoping these guys were professional fighters.

(CRAY kicks off the hood of a nearby WORDSMITH.)

CRAY: They`re just kids.

(The remaining WORDSMITH stands frozen in place. CRAY looks at him.)

CRAY: Hey, you. Which one of you was the one who killed Alan Gerund?

(Nervously, the WORDSMITH points at the fallen ORPHEUS.)

CRAY: Wonderful.

(CRAY yanks a knife out of his boot as JACA knocks out the WORDSMITH.)

JACA: Weren`t you the least bit curious what made him snap?

CRAY: Not really. We`re just being paid to find this guy and punish him. Let Bronsky worry about the specifics. Hey, help me out here, will you?

(CRAY and JACA roll ORPHEUS over and yank off his gloves.)

CRAY: Hold him down.

(CRAY smiles.)

CRAY: Wakey wakey, Orpheus. Time to eat your words.

End SCENE SIX


SCENE SEVEN

(Detective BRONSKY sits behind his desk at the police station, arms crossed and in a foul mood.)

BRONSKY: Lowlife double-crossing two-timing sons of... that`s what they are.

(BRONSKY begins tapping his foot.)

BRONSKY: Erasing the account, wiping the posts, taking off... no lead, no suspect, no collar, no break, no nothing. No... I swear, one word from Doskatova and I`ll pop him one.

(BRONSKY glares at his computer.)

BRONSKY: They didn`t even get me that card.

(Lieutenant DOSKATOVA enters and walks over to BRONSKY.)

DOSKATOVA: Hey, Bronsky! You`ll never believe it!

BRONSKY: Lemme guess, another stiff with fingers cut off and stuffed in his mouth.

DOSKATOVA: Yeah!

BRONSKY: I hate my life.

DOSKATOVA: Only this one ain`t dead.

(BRONSKY jumps up.)

BRONSKY: What!?

DOSKATOVA: Yeah. Strangest thing. We got a call to come pick some guys up. Nine of `em, in fact. All tied up.

BRONSKY: You`re kidding.

DOSKATOVA: Nope. And one of `em had all his fingers cut off and stuck in his mouth. Guy who picked `em up said he hoped he never heard somebody scream like that again.

(BRONSKY grabs his coat and shrugs it on.)

BRONSKY: Where are these guys now?

DOSKATOVA: Well, the guy with no fingers is at the ER, but the other eight are in holding.

(BRONSKY moves towards the door.)

DOSKATOVA: Hey, Bronsky, that wasn`t all!

(BRONSKY stops and turns around.)

BRONSKY: Yeah?

DOSKATOVA: There was a card with `em. Addressed to you.

(DOSKATOVA holds up a card, which BRONSKY snatches and reads aloud.)

BRONSKY: "Detective Bronsky, So sorry to go on without you, but our case had to take priority. Fingers is Orpheus. Best regards. Let`s do it again sometime. - Cray & Jaca."

DOSKATOVA: Mean anything to you?

(BRONSKY is silent for a few moments, then turns to DOSKATOVA.)

BRONSKY: Doskatova, do we license freelance cops to help us out on cases?

DOSKATOVA: License? Nah, that`d be stupid. Why, where`d you get that idea?

(BRONSKY crumples the card and throws it into the trash.)

BRONSKY: Son of a...

End SCENE SEVEN

End ACT THREE

~finis