Breathless - Part the First
By: Delphina
Thread: Iron Writer
Posted: July 13, 2003
The view was gorgeous. Desolate, maybe, but that held a certain kind of beauty to Kou, especially considering what he had left. He kicked a rock and watched it careen down the mountainside, plummeting silently toward the river below. As the thin air danced through his lungs, a light-headed euphoria caused him to stumble back into the lean-to shelter he had scraped together out of the few resources he encountered on his hike up the mountain. He closed his eyes and the words sort of tumbled from his mouth thoughtlessly, even though he hadnÕt sung them in years.
ÒEveryone does bad thingsÉ. There always will be fearÉ But I feel so much better when I feel you hereÉ. For-ever neeeaaarrrÉÓ
ÒÉ.oney, whatÕs wrÉgÉÓ
Kou felt his vision dim a little, clutching at the doorknob as he fell. Oxygen definitely more sparse up here. Maybe it was time to head inside.
Kou had to admit it was a pretty bad hike, and he didn`t really see himself trying something like that ever again. But now that he was here, it was wonderfully bad. Discouragingly so, even. He flopped into his sheep-skin sleeping bag. So long as he kept himself well-stocked with food, heÕd be all right, he assured himself. And no one would know. In time, they might even forget him. At the moment, that was all he could hope for.
The ceiling loomed above him. Kou wanted to touch it. He wanted to rememberÉ TanyaÕs touchÉ
ÒI wonÕtÉ. ..etray..you..pleaÉseÉÓ
I never get tired of the burning lights of the city. They wrap you up, let you know youÕre safe, you know? And sure, there may be some lowlifes here and there trying to make a quick buck, but itÕs the kind of place where you know your company. After a hard week alone near the Frezman pass, a good whiff of familiar olÕ city air was just what I needed.
I walked into the break room that night reassured in this familiarity, knowing what to expect the second I walked in: a jazzy rendition of some classic song depicted with muted trumpets and synthesized drum sets, a cigarÕs scent hovering in the air, a left over newspaper lying disjointedly on the lunch table.
Maybe all those things were there, but when I walked through the doorway, I saw her.
ÒMay I help you, maÕam?Ó My voice sounded a little shaky, even to me, but I certainly didnÕt recognize her. IÕm sure IÕd remember if I had.
ÒIÕm sorry, am I somewhere I shouldnÕt be?Ó Her eyes darted this way and that, and I followed them, entranced. She smiled at me shyly and looked to her hands. ÒForgive me, I was just hired today, and IÕm waiting for Mr. Tyro to get back to show me how it all works.Ó
ÒA new recruit, eh?Ó I smiled, extending my arm in a friendly way. ÒIÕm Garuda.Ó
ÒTanya.Ó Her voice meekly intoned. She shook my hand.
ÒSo, where are you looking to be posted?Ó
ÒOh, IÕm not picky. IÕll be happy where ever they send me. Though I must admit, the city intimidates me a little.Ó
ÒBetter get used to it, love. ItÕs everywhere.Ó I chuckled a bit. Na•ve one, she was, but gorgeous. Dauntingly so, and IÕm usually pretty good at keeping my cool in these kinds of situations. My mind wandered, trying to think of something to talk about besides the weather or how comfortable the beds were in the nearby hotel rooms. My eyes fell on the Salesperson of the Month plaque.
ÒTop seller for May, July, and September. Been everywhere from the Port of Tamany to Morganne Forest and back again.Ó I sighed as I recalled the months prior with pride, the adventures through busy cities and dangerous mountain passes. Who ever said that travelers needed a sword? Good distraction, it was, until I saw the neckline of the tunic-like shirt she wore.
ÒWhat happened in August?Ó
ÒHunh?Ó Her words kinda caught me off guard, and my thoughts dissipated as I looked to Tanya and tried to focus on what she was saying.
ÒAugust. You werenÕt top in August?Ó
ÒOh. August.Ó It still hurt like a nail to the thumb when anybody asked about then. ÒThat was when I got divorced with my wife.Ó I chuckled to hide my nervousness, but I donÕt think it worked very well. ÒIt took a lot out of me that month, I guess.Ó
An uncomfortable silence pressed the room, the air between us. I needed to change the subject.
ÒIÕm sorry to hear thatÉÓ Tanya said at last, in an awkward way. More silence. Okay, really needed to change the subject.
ÒBut IÕve got it all together again. Nothing stops me now!Ó
ÒThatÕs good.Ó She extended her arms as if to stretch them, her pale skin blemish-less and smooth
We chatted a bit more that night. Tanya Amollia. 22 years old, fresh out of boarding school, wanted to see the world and get rid of her timid nature. I invited her to breakfast at my place. She politely refused, and I told her sheÕd never get to be a good traveling salesgirl that way. But I could tell she was trying to make herself more extroverted with her feelings, and for that, I supposed I could be grateful.
Tanya tugged on a pair of fur-lined walking boots, tapping them against the floor in a quick test of their tread. The room echoed in its emptiness; all the salespeople had been dispatched to all odd ends of the continent already, and Tanya had met none of them. Except for Garuda. Eyes closed, TanyaÕs dainty hands reached toward a ringlet of hair as the memory of him re-emerged. The confident grin, the matter-of-fact tone he always adopted. The manÕs arrogance blew off him like steam. In an unfamiliar setting, though, it was usually wise to cling to what you know, who you know, and at the moment, there werenÕt too many other options.
ÒYour coat, madam.Ó Tanya, who had been kneeling to tie the bootsÕ laces, turned quickly. Speak of the devil. Garuda held out a fur-lined coat, obviously trying to sound inviting. Too inviting, for TanyaÕs sensibilities, considering they were still relative strangers.
ÒOh, is it time to leave?Ó
ÒYeah, Tyro gave me the okay. WeÕre going to be heading out to the Barrian Mountain area. A lot of nothing there, but sometimes thatÕs a good thing, I guess.Ó Garuda laughed nervously, obviously not assured of the virtues of the relative wilderness himself, but flashing a wide-mouthed smile regarding the matter nonetheless. Tanya was beginning to wonder whether or not the man ever closed his mouth, but refrained from saying anything beyond:
ÒSo who are we going with?Ó
ÒWell, thereÕll be five of us total. Cole is going to head out with us, and Janu and Loccar will meet us there.Ó
Tanya nodded. A long trip, to be sure, but the sooner they could leave the city, the better, as far as Tanya was concerned. Garuda bowed stiffly, gesturing toward the door in an antiquated manner. ÒLadies first!Ó
ÒThanks.Ó
We finally stopped for the night at around sunset. It was a quiet ride along the mountain trails. Usually, I canÕt stand the quiet. But some how, it was okay. I helped Tanya down from the van. She gently stepped down, her thin frame nymph-like in its beauty. Indeed, everything about her delicate physique endeared her to me more and more as time passed. I suppose IÕm a sucker like that for women.
The door of the bar swung open with a creak. A cursory glance revealed a somewhat barren and desolate place, with the exception of a few travelers at the bar who sat relaxing after a long dayÕs journey. The lazy smoke from their pipes wafted through the room, hanging over our heads. I pulled TanyaÕs chair out for her, and took a seat beside her.
ÒWhereÕs Cole?Ó she asked in a somewhat concerned tone. She looked about the room for him, and then to me with a puzzled look.
ÒHeÕs checking the supplies. Nothing to worry yourself over.Ó
I sighed, lost in this feeling of reassurance that emanated from her. There was just something about this woman I was drawn to that I couldnÕt really explain. When I looked at her, I felt like everything was right with the world, and I started to remember feelings I hadnÕt felt in a long time. Love, possibly, but I wasnÕt ready to travel down that road again just yet. Not after the disaster that happened beforeÉ but I donÕt like to dwell in the past too much. I like to think IÕve moved on since then, that IÕm a new man. IÕd allow myself to look, of course, but I was going to make absolutely sure that I settled down with the right one this time.
A perky waitress came to the table and asked what we wanted to drink. I ordered some beer; she simply asked for water. When our drinks came, I proposed a toast.
ÒTo journeys.Ó I smiled and gazed at her. Mmm. No, looking wasnÕt too bad at all.
ÒTo journeys.Ó She raised her glass meekly and smiled back.
Kou woke up with a start. His heart was pounding in his throat as the memories slowly subsided into the dull realm of his subconscious. The cool air of the mountaintop calmed him, and he sat up, rubbing his back, which was still a little sore.
A fire. He really needed to make a fire.
He stumbled out and down the mountain path he came. Vegetation accumulated the farther down the trail he went, and at last, he found the old decaying tree he had spotted on the way up. He unsheathed his hunting knife and hacked away at a branch, the brittle bark exploding in chitterings each time he struck it. At last, it creaked and snapped, and KouÕs gloved hand gripped it firmly as he hauled it back up to the mountainÕs peak.
The song floated up to his mind again before he knew it, and he was humming with it. Tanya was gone, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. The knowledge of this pressed his ribcage like a weight, until he stopped, falling on the log he carried and sobbing tearlessly.
ÒI woÉ betrÉyÉouÉ..plÉseÉÓ
The voice faded as his consciousness did.
ÒEveryone does bad thingsÉ. There always will be fearÉ But I feel so much better when I feel you hereÉ. For-ever neeeaaarrrÉÓ
ÒÉ.oney, whatÕs wrÉgÉÓ
Kou felt his vision dim a little, clutching at the doorknob as he fell. Oxygen definitely more sparse up here. Maybe it was time to head inside.
Kou had to admit it was a pretty bad hike, and he didn`t really see himself trying something like that ever again. But now that he was here, it was wonderfully bad. Discouragingly so, even. He flopped into his sheep-skin sleeping bag. So long as he kept himself well-stocked with food, heÕd be all right, he assured himself. And no one would know. In time, they might even forget him. At the moment, that was all he could hope for.
The ceiling loomed above him. Kou wanted to touch it. He wanted to rememberÉ TanyaÕs touchÉ
ÒI wonÕtÉ. ..etray..you..pleaÉseÉÓ
I never get tired of the burning lights of the city. They wrap you up, let you know youÕre safe, you know? And sure, there may be some lowlifes here and there trying to make a quick buck, but itÕs the kind of place where you know your company. After a hard week alone near the Frezman pass, a good whiff of familiar olÕ city air was just what I needed.
I walked into the break room that night reassured in this familiarity, knowing what to expect the second I walked in: a jazzy rendition of some classic song depicted with muted trumpets and synthesized drum sets, a cigarÕs scent hovering in the air, a left over newspaper lying disjointedly on the lunch table.
Maybe all those things were there, but when I walked through the doorway, I saw her.
ÒMay I help you, maÕam?Ó My voice sounded a little shaky, even to me, but I certainly didnÕt recognize her. IÕm sure IÕd remember if I had.
ÒIÕm sorry, am I somewhere I shouldnÕt be?Ó Her eyes darted this way and that, and I followed them, entranced. She smiled at me shyly and looked to her hands. ÒForgive me, I was just hired today, and IÕm waiting for Mr. Tyro to get back to show me how it all works.Ó
ÒA new recruit, eh?Ó I smiled, extending my arm in a friendly way. ÒIÕm Garuda.Ó
ÒTanya.Ó Her voice meekly intoned. She shook my hand.
ÒSo, where are you looking to be posted?Ó
ÒOh, IÕm not picky. IÕll be happy where ever they send me. Though I must admit, the city intimidates me a little.Ó
ÒBetter get used to it, love. ItÕs everywhere.Ó I chuckled a bit. Na•ve one, she was, but gorgeous. Dauntingly so, and IÕm usually pretty good at keeping my cool in these kinds of situations. My mind wandered, trying to think of something to talk about besides the weather or how comfortable the beds were in the nearby hotel rooms. My eyes fell on the Salesperson of the Month plaque.
ÒTop seller for May, July, and September. Been everywhere from the Port of Tamany to Morganne Forest and back again.Ó I sighed as I recalled the months prior with pride, the adventures through busy cities and dangerous mountain passes. Who ever said that travelers needed a sword? Good distraction, it was, until I saw the neckline of the tunic-like shirt she wore.
ÒWhat happened in August?Ó
ÒHunh?Ó Her words kinda caught me off guard, and my thoughts dissipated as I looked to Tanya and tried to focus on what she was saying.
ÒAugust. You werenÕt top in August?Ó
ÒOh. August.Ó It still hurt like a nail to the thumb when anybody asked about then. ÒThat was when I got divorced with my wife.Ó I chuckled to hide my nervousness, but I donÕt think it worked very well. ÒIt took a lot out of me that month, I guess.Ó
An uncomfortable silence pressed the room, the air between us. I needed to change the subject.
ÒIÕm sorry to hear thatÉÓ Tanya said at last, in an awkward way. More silence. Okay, really needed to change the subject.
ÒBut IÕve got it all together again. Nothing stops me now!Ó
ÒThatÕs good.Ó She extended her arms as if to stretch them, her pale skin blemish-less and smooth
We chatted a bit more that night. Tanya Amollia. 22 years old, fresh out of boarding school, wanted to see the world and get rid of her timid nature. I invited her to breakfast at my place. She politely refused, and I told her sheÕd never get to be a good traveling salesgirl that way. But I could tell she was trying to make herself more extroverted with her feelings, and for that, I supposed I could be grateful.
Tanya tugged on a pair of fur-lined walking boots, tapping them against the floor in a quick test of their tread. The room echoed in its emptiness; all the salespeople had been dispatched to all odd ends of the continent already, and Tanya had met none of them. Except for Garuda. Eyes closed, TanyaÕs dainty hands reached toward a ringlet of hair as the memory of him re-emerged. The confident grin, the matter-of-fact tone he always adopted. The manÕs arrogance blew off him like steam. In an unfamiliar setting, though, it was usually wise to cling to what you know, who you know, and at the moment, there werenÕt too many other options.
ÒYour coat, madam.Ó Tanya, who had been kneeling to tie the bootsÕ laces, turned quickly. Speak of the devil. Garuda held out a fur-lined coat, obviously trying to sound inviting. Too inviting, for TanyaÕs sensibilities, considering they were still relative strangers.
ÒOh, is it time to leave?Ó
ÒYeah, Tyro gave me the okay. WeÕre going to be heading out to the Barrian Mountain area. A lot of nothing there, but sometimes thatÕs a good thing, I guess.Ó Garuda laughed nervously, obviously not assured of the virtues of the relative wilderness himself, but flashing a wide-mouthed smile regarding the matter nonetheless. Tanya was beginning to wonder whether or not the man ever closed his mouth, but refrained from saying anything beyond:
ÒSo who are we going with?Ó
ÒWell, thereÕll be five of us total. Cole is going to head out with us, and Janu and Loccar will meet us there.Ó
Tanya nodded. A long trip, to be sure, but the sooner they could leave the city, the better, as far as Tanya was concerned. Garuda bowed stiffly, gesturing toward the door in an antiquated manner. ÒLadies first!Ó
ÒThanks.Ó
We finally stopped for the night at around sunset. It was a quiet ride along the mountain trails. Usually, I canÕt stand the quiet. But some how, it was okay. I helped Tanya down from the van. She gently stepped down, her thin frame nymph-like in its beauty. Indeed, everything about her delicate physique endeared her to me more and more as time passed. I suppose IÕm a sucker like that for women.
The door of the bar swung open with a creak. A cursory glance revealed a somewhat barren and desolate place, with the exception of a few travelers at the bar who sat relaxing after a long dayÕs journey. The lazy smoke from their pipes wafted through the room, hanging over our heads. I pulled TanyaÕs chair out for her, and took a seat beside her.
ÒWhereÕs Cole?Ó she asked in a somewhat concerned tone. She looked about the room for him, and then to me with a puzzled look.
ÒHeÕs checking the supplies. Nothing to worry yourself over.Ó
I sighed, lost in this feeling of reassurance that emanated from her. There was just something about this woman I was drawn to that I couldnÕt really explain. When I looked at her, I felt like everything was right with the world, and I started to remember feelings I hadnÕt felt in a long time. Love, possibly, but I wasnÕt ready to travel down that road again just yet. Not after the disaster that happened beforeÉ but I donÕt like to dwell in the past too much. I like to think IÕve moved on since then, that IÕm a new man. IÕd allow myself to look, of course, but I was going to make absolutely sure that I settled down with the right one this time.
A perky waitress came to the table and asked what we wanted to drink. I ordered some beer; she simply asked for water. When our drinks came, I proposed a toast.
ÒTo journeys.Ó I smiled and gazed at her. Mmm. No, looking wasnÕt too bad at all.
ÒTo journeys.Ó She raised her glass meekly and smiled back.
Kou woke up with a start. His heart was pounding in his throat as the memories slowly subsided into the dull realm of his subconscious. The cool air of the mountaintop calmed him, and he sat up, rubbing his back, which was still a little sore.
A fire. He really needed to make a fire.
He stumbled out and down the mountain path he came. Vegetation accumulated the farther down the trail he went, and at last, he found the old decaying tree he had spotted on the way up. He unsheathed his hunting knife and hacked away at a branch, the brittle bark exploding in chitterings each time he struck it. At last, it creaked and snapped, and KouÕs gloved hand gripped it firmly as he hauled it back up to the mountainÕs peak.
The song floated up to his mind again before he knew it, and he was humming with it. Tanya was gone, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. The knowledge of this pressed his ribcage like a weight, until he stopped, falling on the log he carried and sobbing tearlessly.
ÒI woÉ betrÉyÉouÉ..plÉseÉÓ
The voice faded as his consciousness did.
Breathless - Part the Second
By: Delphina
Thread: Iron Writer
Posted: July 13, 2003
"H-hello, sir, would you like to buy a..." The sentence trailed off. Disheartened, the Energy Elixir fell from Tanya`s fingers and plunked onto the damp soil. Garuda was definitely better at this sort of thing.
"What`s a lovely lass like you doing here, eh?" A scruffy-looking man looked at Tanya with kind eyes.
Tanya fumbled around for the list of products. Found it. "I... uhhh, have a variety of various health drinks and safety provisions for your climb here.... that you might be interested... in...?"
The man took the list and looked it over, then looked back to Tanya`s nervous form. He smiled warmly. "I`ll take two granola bars and a snake bite kit."
"T..thank you, sir...!" Tanya bundled up the purchases and nimbly tied them, handing them to the man with a gentle smile, partially out of appreciation for a customer`s patronage, but more out of relief for surviving the encounter.
"Not doing too poorly there, are ye?" Loccar advanced. The customer had been blocking Tanya`s view of her, and now the elderly woman stood, pawing through the supply box by Tanya`s feet. "I ran out of holy water. I guess those rumors about the mountain trail through the caves being haunted are scaring some of the tourists."
Loccar was an interesting woman, to be sure. Usually one didn`t see ladies so old selling wares by dangerous mountain trails, but Loccar had enough energy to sell and sell well, which was probably why she was deemed such an asset to the intra-Carrion expansion project and sent with them. Friendly and outgoing, she didn`t assume too much, which was a good thing.
"So, the winds tell me you and Garuda have been seeing a bit of one another, eh?" She was also full of gossip, as most women that age are.
"We had dinner together last night, yes."
"The boy seems mightily entranced by you, he does." Loccar chuckled to herself. Tanya blushed and looked to the ground, not saying anything, which made the old woman chuckle even more. She put a wrinkled hand on Tanya`s shoulder. "He`s a good man, he is. He has difficulty figuring things sometimes, but he`s still a good man."
Tanya nodded silently. Insight certainly didn`t seem like one of Garuda`s stronger points, but he was always kind, maybe too kind, considering the way he treated his other coworkers. And considering how much of a goofball he always became whenever they were together, Tanya was willing to take the news of his enrapturement at face value, or at least worth considering. The two stood in silence for a bit, LoccarÕs warm smile still lingering on her face.
"I`d best be off to my post again." Loccar broke the silence as she gathered the bottles of holy water she had taken. "We`ll see you at sundown at the hostel, as always. Keep your chin up, then. That`s a good dear."
Tanya smiled and waved as Loccar departed, then gripped another bottle of antidote determinedly as another band of travelers approached.
"E...excuse me... would you be interested in buying... uhhh..."
The bar was loud and crowded, thriving with life and pleasure. A guitarist and fiddler piped out music energetically, and I sat with Janu and Cole, a cold stein of beer to reward me after a fantastic sales day. Tanya came back from the bath room and sat next to Janu, resting her elbow on the table and looking around nervously.
"Can you believe this lady `ere`s been working as a Tyro saleswoman for three weeks now, an` she`s still so skitterish around the customers?" Janu reeked of alcohol so badly that I felt sorry for Tanya. Though I must admit, there might have been some jealousy there because she didn`t sit next to me. Oh well, I`m pretty good about letting things like that roll off of my back. I took another swig of my drink and relaxed.
"Come, then! Tanya`s been getting better, now!" Cole patted Tanya on the back. "Why soon, she`ll be dancing the Tiger Jump out there with the rest of them, won`t you, Tanya?"
Tanya laughed nervously. "I don`t think so...". I grinned. That sounded like a challenge if I`d ever heard one. I jumped out of my chair and took her hand.
"Here now, let`s show them what we`ve got!" I admit, my mischievous side always gets the better of me when I`ve had too much to drink. But a lot of it had to do with her trembling knees, her delicate features, that nervous gait... I wanted to show her what I loved about the world. To open up, have some fun. I felt like if there was anyone who could teach her how to do so, it was me. And so despite her reluctance, I was able to get her out on the dance floor.
She was really stiff, and she moved quite slowly. The dear was more nervous than anything. But she had to do it, I was convinced, she had to--
The world seemed to twist upon itself all of a sudden. My vision blacked out and I knelt on the dance floor, clutching my head in my hands.
A female voice in my mind. The flicker of a face, pleading.
"I won`t betray you... please, don`t leave me!"
ÒMy thoughts... it`s hard to concentrate... what`s happen...ing....Ó I felt my mouth move, but it felt like some detached entity that didnÕt belong to me, let alone listen to what my brain was telling it to do. I looked about with unseeing eyes, groping about for something tangible, anything to pull me back into this world. But in the end, the darkness reached my mind completely, and I fell to the floor.
He strikes you with his foot, and you tumble down into the abyss, sightless, breathless, soundless. As the cold juts of crevice swipe against your exterior, you feel no pain; you are alone in the dull emptiness of your inertia. Perhaps in another life you could have expected sorrow, heartbreak... the hot sting of love betrayed that pulls your nerves inside themselves and singes them with agony. But now, this is all there is. The pull downward, the seemingly endless fall into despair and nothingness. Dead? You never felt as if you lived in the first place. And now you are gone, not even a speck on the horizon, not even having the stark slope of the mountain to slam your clumsy form against. And maybe if you were alive, you`d wonder why people kick rocks so hard. But you wonder nothing, and when you finally shatter against the ground below, you are mere dust scattered against an angry swirl of wind, ever lost in a world you never truly knew.
Garuda shook his groggy head and looked about the dark room. His head turned toward the silhouette by the window. He sat up.
"Tanya..."
Tanya`s heartbeat quickened. At last. It was finally time. "Garuda..."
Garuda was obviously taken aback by the tone in Tanya`s voice. He tried to stumble to his feet, but he fell back to the floor under the weight of his own body and the alcohol... and the drug that was slipped into his beer. He still didnÕt know what was going on. Dense as a boulder. As usual.
"Honey... what`s wrong? You don`t sound like the same woman I know..."
Tanya laughed as GarudaÕs words sounded, then paused before responding.
"And whoever said I was a woman?"
"......" GarudaÕs jaw dropped, his face locked in an amalgam of horror and betrayal. Though his mouth was open, he could say nothing.
"You still don`t know... you don`t even realize it..."
"What... what`s going on... Tanya...?"
"Call me Kou. You have no right to speak Tanya`s name anymore.Ó The silhouette rose from his seated position. ÒWell, you never did to begin with, but I had thought that it would help you remember if I went by her name..." Kou removed the wig from his head, looking at Garuda with piercing eyes. "Remorse is too much to ask from you, I suppose."
"I don`t understand... why...?"
"August." Kou cut Garuda off. "Let`s go back to August."
"My divorce...?"
"Why did your wife leave you?"
ÒIÉÓ Garuda fidgeted, his discomfort blatant. "Well, I met this girl when I was on location once, and..."
"...you got a little drunk and forced yourself upon her, one of your co-workers ratted on you about it..." Kou rattled off the details of GarudaÕs affair with all the emotion and sympathy as one would read a shopping list. He smirked. "And you tried to make up with your wife. You loved her, of course you would. You promised you`d forget all about this other girl, not that you really had gotten intimately familiar with her anyway, seeing as you could barely remember it the next morningÉ but in the end she didn`t trust you, I see. Oh yes, too bad, so sad. But let me ask you this: Whatever happened to the girl?"
"I.... I don`t know... I promised not to talk to her anymore... I forgot about her, like an honorable man would do!" Garuda started to sound emboldened by the flotsam of righteousness he metaphorically latched himself onto.
"But didn`t you even consider her feelings?"
"I couldn`t... I..."
"Do you even remember what she looks like?"
"Well...."
"Do you even remember her name?" Kou stared the man straight in the eyes.
"Tanya..." Garuda muttered, realization finally setting in after so many obvious hints. "`I remember... She looked just like you... A twin...?"
Kou interrupted his further thought processes as he plunged the knife into Garuda`s chest, twisting it mercilessly through his anatomy. The pain flickered through GarudaÕs face visibly, until he fell to the floor and simply stared off into nothingness.
"She loved you, you fool. She thought you would come back for her, but you didn`t....Ó Oh, Tanya was so young and na•ve. Kou supposed mother was really too wholesome in respect to their education in such matters, what with waiting for a fairy-tale romance to whisk a lovely maiden away into happily-ever-after. But after he left, Tanya couldn`t live with that rejection.
ÒÉso she killed herself." Kou spoke as he slumped against the wall, her memory flickering through his mind. The rage bubbled up again, the anger. Because even though he had finally avenged her, there was no way she was coming back. No way... Kou slammed his fist into the wall of the room.
"Do you know what it`s like to lose your other half? Do you even realize what my sister went through?!" Kou`s voice grew shrill as his anger epitomized. Finally, his frail form fell onto the bed, the knife clattering harmlessly to the floor.
"No... I guess you wouldn`t, would you?"
Kou stood atop the mountain, the desolation permeating them both. He kicked the stray rocks over the mountainÕs side, one after the other after the other. The pain wasÉ too greatÉ
He flopped to the ground, and extended his hand as if to reach an arrant cloud. But the weight of his arm was too great, and it too fell to the ground as cold unconsciousness swept over him again, finally claiming him from his weary life into the darkness.
~end~
"What`s a lovely lass like you doing here, eh?" A scruffy-looking man looked at Tanya with kind eyes.
Tanya fumbled around for the list of products. Found it. "I... uhhh, have a variety of various health drinks and safety provisions for your climb here.... that you might be interested... in...?"
The man took the list and looked it over, then looked back to Tanya`s nervous form. He smiled warmly. "I`ll take two granola bars and a snake bite kit."
"T..thank you, sir...!" Tanya bundled up the purchases and nimbly tied them, handing them to the man with a gentle smile, partially out of appreciation for a customer`s patronage, but more out of relief for surviving the encounter.
"Not doing too poorly there, are ye?" Loccar advanced. The customer had been blocking Tanya`s view of her, and now the elderly woman stood, pawing through the supply box by Tanya`s feet. "I ran out of holy water. I guess those rumors about the mountain trail through the caves being haunted are scaring some of the tourists."
Loccar was an interesting woman, to be sure. Usually one didn`t see ladies so old selling wares by dangerous mountain trails, but Loccar had enough energy to sell and sell well, which was probably why she was deemed such an asset to the intra-Carrion expansion project and sent with them. Friendly and outgoing, she didn`t assume too much, which was a good thing.
"So, the winds tell me you and Garuda have been seeing a bit of one another, eh?" She was also full of gossip, as most women that age are.
"We had dinner together last night, yes."
"The boy seems mightily entranced by you, he does." Loccar chuckled to herself. Tanya blushed and looked to the ground, not saying anything, which made the old woman chuckle even more. She put a wrinkled hand on Tanya`s shoulder. "He`s a good man, he is. He has difficulty figuring things sometimes, but he`s still a good man."
Tanya nodded silently. Insight certainly didn`t seem like one of Garuda`s stronger points, but he was always kind, maybe too kind, considering the way he treated his other coworkers. And considering how much of a goofball he always became whenever they were together, Tanya was willing to take the news of his enrapturement at face value, or at least worth considering. The two stood in silence for a bit, LoccarÕs warm smile still lingering on her face.
"I`d best be off to my post again." Loccar broke the silence as she gathered the bottles of holy water she had taken. "We`ll see you at sundown at the hostel, as always. Keep your chin up, then. That`s a good dear."
Tanya smiled and waved as Loccar departed, then gripped another bottle of antidote determinedly as another band of travelers approached.
"E...excuse me... would you be interested in buying... uhhh..."
The bar was loud and crowded, thriving with life and pleasure. A guitarist and fiddler piped out music energetically, and I sat with Janu and Cole, a cold stein of beer to reward me after a fantastic sales day. Tanya came back from the bath room and sat next to Janu, resting her elbow on the table and looking around nervously.
"Can you believe this lady `ere`s been working as a Tyro saleswoman for three weeks now, an` she`s still so skitterish around the customers?" Janu reeked of alcohol so badly that I felt sorry for Tanya. Though I must admit, there might have been some jealousy there because she didn`t sit next to me. Oh well, I`m pretty good about letting things like that roll off of my back. I took another swig of my drink and relaxed.
"Come, then! Tanya`s been getting better, now!" Cole patted Tanya on the back. "Why soon, she`ll be dancing the Tiger Jump out there with the rest of them, won`t you, Tanya?"
Tanya laughed nervously. "I don`t think so...". I grinned. That sounded like a challenge if I`d ever heard one. I jumped out of my chair and took her hand.
"Here now, let`s show them what we`ve got!" I admit, my mischievous side always gets the better of me when I`ve had too much to drink. But a lot of it had to do with her trembling knees, her delicate features, that nervous gait... I wanted to show her what I loved about the world. To open up, have some fun. I felt like if there was anyone who could teach her how to do so, it was me. And so despite her reluctance, I was able to get her out on the dance floor.
She was really stiff, and she moved quite slowly. The dear was more nervous than anything. But she had to do it, I was convinced, she had to--
The world seemed to twist upon itself all of a sudden. My vision blacked out and I knelt on the dance floor, clutching my head in my hands.
A female voice in my mind. The flicker of a face, pleading.
"I won`t betray you... please, don`t leave me!"
ÒMy thoughts... it`s hard to concentrate... what`s happen...ing....Ó I felt my mouth move, but it felt like some detached entity that didnÕt belong to me, let alone listen to what my brain was telling it to do. I looked about with unseeing eyes, groping about for something tangible, anything to pull me back into this world. But in the end, the darkness reached my mind completely, and I fell to the floor.
He strikes you with his foot, and you tumble down into the abyss, sightless, breathless, soundless. As the cold juts of crevice swipe against your exterior, you feel no pain; you are alone in the dull emptiness of your inertia. Perhaps in another life you could have expected sorrow, heartbreak... the hot sting of love betrayed that pulls your nerves inside themselves and singes them with agony. But now, this is all there is. The pull downward, the seemingly endless fall into despair and nothingness. Dead? You never felt as if you lived in the first place. And now you are gone, not even a speck on the horizon, not even having the stark slope of the mountain to slam your clumsy form against. And maybe if you were alive, you`d wonder why people kick rocks so hard. But you wonder nothing, and when you finally shatter against the ground below, you are mere dust scattered against an angry swirl of wind, ever lost in a world you never truly knew.
Garuda shook his groggy head and looked about the dark room. His head turned toward the silhouette by the window. He sat up.
"Tanya..."
Tanya`s heartbeat quickened. At last. It was finally time. "Garuda..."
Garuda was obviously taken aback by the tone in Tanya`s voice. He tried to stumble to his feet, but he fell back to the floor under the weight of his own body and the alcohol... and the drug that was slipped into his beer. He still didnÕt know what was going on. Dense as a boulder. As usual.
"Honey... what`s wrong? You don`t sound like the same woman I know..."
Tanya laughed as GarudaÕs words sounded, then paused before responding.
"And whoever said I was a woman?"
"......" GarudaÕs jaw dropped, his face locked in an amalgam of horror and betrayal. Though his mouth was open, he could say nothing.
"You still don`t know... you don`t even realize it..."
"What... what`s going on... Tanya...?"
"Call me Kou. You have no right to speak Tanya`s name anymore.Ó The silhouette rose from his seated position. ÒWell, you never did to begin with, but I had thought that it would help you remember if I went by her name..." Kou removed the wig from his head, looking at Garuda with piercing eyes. "Remorse is too much to ask from you, I suppose."
"I don`t understand... why...?"
"August." Kou cut Garuda off. "Let`s go back to August."
"My divorce...?"
"Why did your wife leave you?"
ÒIÉÓ Garuda fidgeted, his discomfort blatant. "Well, I met this girl when I was on location once, and..."
"...you got a little drunk and forced yourself upon her, one of your co-workers ratted on you about it..." Kou rattled off the details of GarudaÕs affair with all the emotion and sympathy as one would read a shopping list. He smirked. "And you tried to make up with your wife. You loved her, of course you would. You promised you`d forget all about this other girl, not that you really had gotten intimately familiar with her anyway, seeing as you could barely remember it the next morningÉ but in the end she didn`t trust you, I see. Oh yes, too bad, so sad. But let me ask you this: Whatever happened to the girl?"
"I.... I don`t know... I promised not to talk to her anymore... I forgot about her, like an honorable man would do!" Garuda started to sound emboldened by the flotsam of righteousness he metaphorically latched himself onto.
"But didn`t you even consider her feelings?"
"I couldn`t... I..."
"Do you even remember what she looks like?"
"Well...."
"Do you even remember her name?" Kou stared the man straight in the eyes.
"Tanya..." Garuda muttered, realization finally setting in after so many obvious hints. "`I remember... She looked just like you... A twin...?"
Kou interrupted his further thought processes as he plunged the knife into Garuda`s chest, twisting it mercilessly through his anatomy. The pain flickered through GarudaÕs face visibly, until he fell to the floor and simply stared off into nothingness.
"She loved you, you fool. She thought you would come back for her, but you didn`t....Ó Oh, Tanya was so young and na•ve. Kou supposed mother was really too wholesome in respect to their education in such matters, what with waiting for a fairy-tale romance to whisk a lovely maiden away into happily-ever-after. But after he left, Tanya couldn`t live with that rejection.
ÒÉso she killed herself." Kou spoke as he slumped against the wall, her memory flickering through his mind. The rage bubbled up again, the anger. Because even though he had finally avenged her, there was no way she was coming back. No way... Kou slammed his fist into the wall of the room.
"Do you know what it`s like to lose your other half? Do you even realize what my sister went through?!" Kou`s voice grew shrill as his anger epitomized. Finally, his frail form fell onto the bed, the knife clattering harmlessly to the floor.
"No... I guess you wouldn`t, would you?"
Kou stood atop the mountain, the desolation permeating them both. He kicked the stray rocks over the mountainÕs side, one after the other after the other. The pain wasÉ too greatÉ
He flopped to the ground, and extended his hand as if to reach an arrant cloud. But the weight of his arm was too great, and it too fell to the ground as cold unconsciousness swept over him again, finally claiming him from his weary life into the darkness.
~end~